Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started
LonelyLakeFishing
1 132 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2025 Member sinceApril 27, 2022
Bio
Recent forum posts
LonelyLakeFishing profile picture
I feel like everything's going wrong
35 & Over Community / by LonelyLakeFishing
Last post
 May 15th, 2022
...See more Hi, sorry, I am new here, don't really know how all this works yet, and it took me a few days to just gather the strenght to create this post. So I am a 36yo female, living abroad, with noone here to turn to, not even my couple. I have a few friends but I am an introvert and don't like showing emotions so I won't share too much with the ppl I have around, not to bother them, as I always feel they have their own problems to deal with and they don't need any more drama in their lives. I've been diagnosed with depression years ago after I moved to this country and started studying at the university without knowing the language, but I've coped quite well since then. I eventually finished up learning the language in less than a year and managed to finish my studies here and even did post-grad and started a PhD. I had a stable job in my field and belonged to an investigation group at the local university. Everything was going the way I wanted. !!TW - miscarriage mentioned!! Right before the pandemics in January 2020 I got pregnant and we were soooo happy (It was something me and my SO were looking for a while) but lost it soon after (end of February). All I heard from the obgyn was that 'at least now I know I can get pregnant' and got sent at home without any psychological help and still bleeding from the miscarriage. This led to me starting to develop anxiety and panic attacks. When the lockdown started in the country un March 2020 I soon found out that I am going to be losing my job (right after my boss shared with us his wife was pregnant and sent us his baby ultrasonido on WhatsApp) which triggered my panic attacks even more. Since then Ive been looking for a job, here, in different cities and abroad but can't seem to find one or even get a single interview, which only made me feel more useless. In October 2020 I got pregnant again and once again lost it, this time even earlier and got blamed by the emergency obgyn for being overweight. That's when my SO also lost his job and we've been surviving since then on whatever help the country would give us but now that's over and we are already running out of options, with no sights on futuro job opportunities. My depression has been getting real bad these months, but after how I got treated by the doctors with both my miscarriages I can't seem to get myself to visit my doctor and ask for a psychiatric evaluation. I also hate the feeling of exposing my feelings in front of anyone, writing this post seems to be the most I've forced myself to do. !!TW!! I even got to concider suicide as my only option to stop this feeling of being useless but I know I won't self harm, it's just been running through my head a lot lately, I don't even know how to explain It, really. I don't really have questions about this, just needed to share and maybe hear what others think about the whole thing. I am really sorry for this super long post that doesn't get anywhere really. Thank you for reading. A
Search more from @LonelyLakeFishing
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
5 total badges
Hand Shake Honest Voice First Post Reaching out First Compassion
Report an issue
Talk to a licensed therapist Wherever you are, whenever you need support. Get matched
Considering therapy? Talk to a licensed therapist, wherever you are. Get started