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LoveHopeSoul
152 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceApril 24, 2015
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My Journey to Become Beautiful
Eating Disorder Support / by LoveHopeSoul
Last post
 April 24th, 2015
...See more I was only 12 when it started. I'm 14 now and it only gets worse. I find myself skipping meals and counting calories everyday. I run 6 miles a day and only consume 500-800 calories a day. I have my first bite of food at 6pm and I have my last bite of food at 6pm also. When I was twelve, I weighed about 90 lbs. Now that I think about it, I wasn't fat back then. But, the negativity in my life has led me to believe I'm fat now. I weigh 90 lbs, still. But for some reason, 90 lbs look fat on me now. My family and friends are always calling me skinny and get so happy when I eat. I must say, I enjoy this. But, I know the truth. There's fat on my thighs and fat on my stomach. Fat on my arms, face, hips, neck. I have fat and I want to lose it. I keep telling myself, once I'm skinny, I'll eat normally. But, I'm not quite sure what I consider "skinny". 80 lbs, maybe 70. 60 lbs would be awesome! No, none of that. That's all fat. I want 50, 40, 30. I want it to keep dropping, I want to be the thinnest in my family, in my school, in the world. When will I stop though? When I wake up in the hospital? Maybe, possibly. I'm a fighter though, not a quiter. I will work, work, work until I'm thin. I want my collar bones to be sticking out, I want hip bones like hooks and ribs like stairs. I want a thigh gap so big and skinny, skinny wrists. I WILL get this, no matter how long it takes. Food is my enemy and I hate it. I'll stop when I'm dead.
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