My Journey to Become Beautiful
I was only 12 when it started. I'm 14 now and it only gets worse. I find myself skipping meals and counting calories everyday. I run 6 miles a day and only consume 500-800 calories a day. I have my first bite of food at 6pmand I have my last bite of food at 6pm also. When I was twelve, I weighed about 90 lbs. Now that I think about it, I wasn't fat back then. But, the negativity in my life has led me to believe I'm fat now. I weigh 90 lbs, still. But for some reason, 90 lbs look fat on me now. My family and friends are always calling me skinny and get so happy when I eat. I must say, I enjoy this. But, I know the truth. There's fat on my thighs and fat on my stomach. Fat on my arms, face, hips, neck. I have fat and I want to lose it. I keep telling myself, once I'm skinny, I'll eat normally. But, I'm not quite sure what I consider "skinny". 80 lbs, maybe 70. 60 lbs would be awesome! No, none of that. That's all fat. I want 50, 40, 30. I want it to keep dropping, I want to be the thinnest in my family, in my school, in the world. When will I stop though? When I wake up in the hospital? Maybe, possibly. I'm a fighter though, not a quiter. I will work, work, work until I'm thin. I want my collar bones to be sticking out, I want hip bones like hooks and ribs like stairs. I want a thigh gap so big and skinny, skinny wrists. I WILL get this, no matter how long it takes. Food is my enemy and I hate it. I'll stop when I'm dead.
I used to do that to myself.. count the calories,excerize for hours,barely eat. I almost died because I wanted to be a perfect girl. Skinny,smart, popular. I almost ended up in a hospital . Please do not do this to yourself you are perfect the way you are. Food wasn't my top enemy, the mirror I was looking at was. It still is sometimes. The girl that I see now is different then the girl I used to be. I see myself alive and happy when I look in the mirror. I thought I was happy when I looked in the mirror and saw my rib cage but what was staring back at me was dead. I'm going to say it again don't go down that road.
I suffer from BBD because of two nosejobs. I was always so focus on my hideous nose that I lost sight of who I was. I lost myself. I know my nose was flawed and still is but I recognize my main problem is in my head. My enemy inhabits inside me and I have a war everyday against it. We can let be define by our flaws. We can't let that horrible voice, that tells us we don't have value unless we are pretty, win. We know are much more than that. Don't lose yourself. I know how difficult it is but there's still hope. You are more than a thigh gap. Wish you the best.
I'm going through the same thing
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