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LpSyD
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PathStep 2 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2025 Member sinceDecember 22, 2024
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Almost clean…Almost free…
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by LpSyD
Last post
 June 7th, 2025
...See more In the past 7 years of using, I got to know methamphetamine, heroin, OxyContin, tramadol, amphetamine, MDMA, LSD, DMT, NBOMe, DOB, cocaine, phenazepam, pregabalin, barbiturates. Not out of stupidity, and not for fun. I was already an adult. It was a conscious choice. Alone, not with friends. Sometimes to silence the noise. Sometimes to figure out what the *** was going on inside me. Now I’m on methadone maintenance therapy. I didn’t come to it on my own — life pushed me there. We’re expecting our second child, a son. And that gives me strength to keep going, to stay focused, to not give up. But I’m scared. Scared to lower the dose. Scared to quit. Because I know what can come back: withdrawal, insomnia, that adrenaline-fueled emptiness, inner collapse. I’ve been there. I don’t know if I can survive it again. I’ve been smoking marijuana for over 15 years — since I was 10. It’s always been there. Now — every day. Psychiatrists say: let it be, better that than a full relapse. But I want to live without it. I want to breathe freely again. And I honestly don’t know how. I’ve also been prescribed heavy antipsychotics and mood stabilizers — for life. But I don’t want to be under them forever. I don’t want “chemical peace” at the cost of who I am. I want to be alive, not just manageable. I’m not trying to sound strong or broken. Just one of those who made it — and is now learning how to live with it. Tell me how you made it through. What helps you stay on track when energy runs out and the past starts pulling you back? If you’ve figured something out — do a good thing and share it. Keep it short. Keep it real. Keep it honest.
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I studied the sky — and fell into the abyss
Alcohol & Drug Addiction Support / by LpSyD
Last post
 June 6th, 2025
...See more I wasn’t partying. I never used substances “with someone” or “for fun.” Each experiment was intentional, almost scientific. Methamphetamine. Heroin. OxyContin. DMT. NBOMe. DOB. LSD. Ecstasy. Cocaine. Tranquilizers. Pregabalin. Mixes. Overdoses. Days completely detached from reality. Sometimes to understand what lies beyond. Sometimes just not to die from the emptiness. This went on for 6–7 years of my life. It wasn’t “recreational use.” It was a war. With myself. And all of this — against the backdrop of severe mental disorders. I’ve carried many diagnoses: Bipolar disorder. Panic disorder. Schizoid traits. Anxiety. Comorbid addiction. I’ve been hospitalized in psychiatric clinics. More than once. Sometimes voluntarily. Sometimes because there was no other choice. There were moments when my family nearly fell apart. There were real suicide attempts — silent, not theatrical. For a long time, I didn’t ask for help — because I didn’t believe help existed. Today I’m in remission. On therapy. Methadone. Quetiapine. Trying every day to stay alive. Still standing. But barely. No illusions. I’m not looking for sympathy. Sometimes I just wonder — is there anyone else who made it through *** and is still trying not to fall apart? Not victorious. Not healed. Just… still here.
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