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Lucianvi98
290 M Embraced 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts12 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2020 Member sinceMay 6, 2020
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My Abusive Relationship
Relationship Stress / by Lucianvi98
Last post
 May 23rd, 2020
...See more I just got broken up with by my girlfriend of 3 years. We were on and off, I couldn't get my head out of my ass at times, but the biggest thing is my anger. I cannot control what I say a lot of the time, especially in moments of heated anger. I've convinced myself I'm emotionally abusive and I feel like there is no hope. I'm 21 and meditating, doing hypnosis every night, mindfulness, almost everyday for the past 7 months. Like, what's the point anymore if I still hurt the ones I love? I feel like I'm not making any improvement. The argument started last week. I wrote a script then used something from a previous relationship of mine to serve as a punchline for a joke. The line was something that hurt me. The script was about moving on from said relationship, making fun of myself and how angry/desperate I was. I tell my gf cause I don't want her to be blindsided, I feel horrible. She doesn't know how to react, doesn't talk to me for a full 24 hours, finally does and says she still needs time and will talk to me the next day. We do, I apologized profusely the day before and we talked a little bit about it, she sounded still angry. But, she texts me as I said and we don't bring it up. A week goes by and I think she let it go, understanding what I was saying, and she's texting me less and less. She is 6 hours away from me, visiting her home. We haven't seen each other face to face in three months. A week and she calls me saying I have feelings for my ex and I go into a blind
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OCD? Maybe?
Anxiety Support / by Lucianvi98
Last post
 May 7th, 2020
...See more This feels like it's going to spew out and I'm embarassed to admit this. I don't know where to begin. A year ago, my girlfriend asked me if I was bisexual. Ever since then, without telling anyone about this, my family has been assuming more and more that I'm gay. I grew up in a strict christian household. Now, I don't do that anymore. I'm in theatre, dress nicely, and treat women with respect. But it feels like everything I do, there is this voice in my head that's like, "You're gay." I'm not attracted to men, but it seems like daily or even hourly, even something as small as watching Brando in A Streetcar Named Desire, my mind will say, "Were you just checking him out? Pretty freaking gay." It feels like my mind is bullying me more and more, saying to me or reminding me of all the things people made fun of me for in high school or college. People that I even loved, like family members. I don't have anyone to talk to, because I don't want them to judge me as gay, because I know I'm not. Even writing this, it feels like I'm swimming in a downward whirlpool. I feel hopeless because of this. I just want my head to stop bullying me
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