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LuckyApple74
97 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 25, 2024
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New here - Just need to talk/rant a bit..
Relationship Stress / by LuckyApple74
Last post
 January 25th, 2024
...See more I was cheated on for 4.5 years. I, stupidly, decided to stay. Because for some reason, I thought I could genuinely "move on", be okay, etc..  I wish my brain and heart would've told me sooner that I wasn't going to be okay, because now things are awkward and messy.  It's not that I don't love him, because I do, very much. But I genuinely don't know if/think I'll ever be able to trust him again, not enough to want to be in a relationship with him anyways..  I'm terrified that when I tell him that, that he'll try to take our kid, or just get nasty about everything..  But right now, the thought of being in any relationship, especially one that I'm not 100% on, is just...it makes me sick, honestly..  I can't keep draining myself trying to be okay and make a relationship work that just isn't going to.. not now, not for a long time, if ever..  Our kid deserves better than that, and so do I.. I've been *extremely* less stressed, anxious, sad, angry, annoyed, etc, ever since we split up.. I feel guilty in a way, because we were together for so long and I love him, but.. It is impossible for me to ignore how much lighter and better I felt, and have felt since, *instantly* after he left..  The entire atmosphere and feeling in the whole house felt lighter and happier..  And the thought of it going back to how it was absolutely terrifies me.
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