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LuckyLilah
2,088 M Hopeful Heart 2
PathStep 13 Compassion hearts117 Forum posts9 Forum upvotes19 Current upvotes19 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2020 Member sinceFebruary 24, 2018
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Reliving: triggers and flashbacks
Trauma Support / by LuckyLilah
Last post
 May 30th, 2020
...See more Hi there, Ive been doing better semi-recently (in the past few months) but this week Im really struggling. Staying connected to myself and my emotions was something I made progress on and now its like I cant anymore. I cant be present with myself anymore because all my wounds feel so raw and fresh lately. Its like the stress of moving, of school, of work, pulled all my scars open while I got sunburned and tripped and fell through a patch of nettles. I find myself tearful and stressed to points of panic over small administrative issues at work. Im always the one who is put together but now I cant breathe. I cant breathe in the same way when I was assaulted orally at 16 years old and I can breathe or move when I was raped at 20. I cant feel because its not safe but its like Im being forced to feel. Its like Im being forced to come undone. Someone told me it was good that I was crying and replaying this because it meant I felt safe enough to tell someone. NO. Thats not what it was, I just cant hold it anymore. Im exhausted and not sleeping. I made progress and now Im collapsing.
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Hoping for some understanding
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by LuckyLilah
Last post
 February 23rd, 2020
...See more Hey, I'm new to this community and hope you might be able to help. I've been struggling with various diagnoses and none of them seem to accurately represent how I feel. I've been labeled with depression, anxiety, PTSD and so far no one wants to address the mood swings. I don't fit the mold for BPD because I've only been aggressive on rare occasions but also for no reason. Bipolar II is the most accurate that I have found but I'm not allowed to diagnose myself. My ups and downs are not dramatic but they are significant. The waves are most often much slower than the traditional conception of bipolar. Most of the time I will experience the highs and lows only two to three times per week. Other times I will go through all four seasons of the year in the span of 24 hours. I don't experience typical mania but I do feel when I'm in a lightened mood, I get unstable, anxious but excited, and fearful, then I crash. I'm not sure how else to describe it and no one in my life seems to understand it. I've had what seemed to be psychosis before where I was paranoid and fearful and angry those I love. I don't want to get to that place again and am hoping maybe someone here will understand my complexity and nuances from what most people consider bipolar. Please be kind. I'm trying to understand
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