Reliving: triggers and flashbacks

Hi there,

Ive been doing better semi-recently (in the past few months) but this week Im really struggling. Staying connected to myself and my emotions was something I made progress on and now its like I cant anymore. I cant be present with myself anymore because all my wounds feel so raw and fresh lately. Its like the stress of moving, of school, of work, pulled all my scars open while I got sunburned and tripped and fell through a patch of nettles. I find myself tearful and stressed to points of panic over small administrative issues at work. Im always the one who is put together but now I cant breathe. I cant breathe in the same way when I was assaulted orally at 16 years old and I can breathe or move when I was raped at 20. I cant feel because its not safe but its like Im being forced to feel. Its like Im being forced to come undone. Someone told me it was good that I was crying and replaying this because it meant I felt safe enough to tell someone. NO. Thats not what it was, I just cant hold it anymore. Im exhausted and not sleeping. I made progress and now Im collapsing.