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Lujen
1 95 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2019 Member sinceNovember 25, 2018
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Nothing Seems to get Better
Depression Support / by Lujen
Last post
 December 1st, 2018
...See more What's the point of me continually trying to find some form of salvation? Even if my life is improving in terms of prospective opportunities, this mental turmoil just doesn't relent. I am not sure what I am supposed to do about it. It just gets worse every day. Medications don't work. Talking doesn't work. Counseling doesn't help. Dedicating time to my hobbies doesn't help because this goddamn depression has stolen any fun I had from it away. What's the point? I don't see myself making it to 30 given the circumstances I see ourselves in and my own mental health issues, but honestly at this point even reaching halfway to 30 seems like a stretch. Living just feels like this selfish burden placed upon me to bear. I didn't choose this life. Fuck. Well, that's that off my chest. Peace.
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Why Keep Holding On?
Depression Support / by Lujen
Last post
 November 25th, 2018
...See more Sooo, where to begin. At the time of conceiving this thread it is 11:42pm. I stay up beyond what I would consider acceptable hours on a regular basis ruminating about life and finding purpose, but after much inertia I have decided to put together this incoherant ramble as I hope it will give me some sort of catharsis in releasing mu thoughts. I'll probably go over the word limit but will follow up in replies so hopefully that all works out accordingly. Anyway, some context. I will be commencing postgrad studies in my dream course next year. I have the backing and unconditional love from my family and am in a good spot financially. I have pushed myself to my limits for the past couple of years to academically excel and make said program. So far so good, except in spite of continuing achievements, life just gets worse. More tiring. Less pleasure from pretty much everything. I have suffered from anxiety disorders and depression for quite a while now and a sense of diminishing returns has cropped up in terms of the continuing validation for living I get from achieving. So after dragging myself across the finish line in high school, I saw uni as an opportunity to find happiness and succeed. Only the latter has occured. Social isolation has been what I see as the root issue with regards to depression, and I have found connecting with people to be a struggle since moving out... [continued below]
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