Why Keep Holding On?

Sooo, where to begin. At the time of conceiving this thread it is 11:42pm. I stay up beyond what I would consider acceptable hours on a regular basis ruminating about life and finding purpose, but after much inertia I have decided to put together this incoherant ramble as I hope it will give me some sort of catharsis in releasing mu thoughts. I'll probably go over the word limit but will follow up in replies so hopefully that all works out accordingly.

Anyway, some context. I will be commencing postgrad studies in my dream course next year. I have the backing and unconditional love from my family and am in a good spot financially. I have pushed myself to my limits for the past couple of years to academically excel and make said program. So far so good, except in spite of continuing achievements, life just gets worse. More tiring. Less pleasure from pretty much everything. I have suffered from anxiety disorders and depression for quite a while now and a sense of diminishing returns has cropped up in terms of the continuing validation for living I get from achieving.

So after dragging myself across the finish line in high school, I saw uni as an opportunity to find happiness and succeed. Only the latter has occured. Social isolation has been what I see as the root issue with regards to depression, and I have found connecting with people to be a struggle since moving out... [continued below]