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I Only Wanted One Day With My Mom

Journals & Diaries / by Mairaiqbal518

July 13th

...See more Today was supposed to be one of the happiest days I had been waiting for. I had been saving money for weeks because I wanted to take my mom out for a birthday lunch. Her birthday was a week ago, but she was tired that day, so we planned to celebrate today instead. I imagined us eating together, talking, shopping afterward, and maybe taking the first step toward rebuilding the bond that has felt distant for so long. More than anything, I wanted to make my mom happy and spend meaningful time with her. On her actual birthday, my middle sister had planned a surprise for Mom. I never interrupted, complained, or tried to make the day about myself. I let her have her moment because I believed she deserved it. I only wished I would be given that same respect when my turn came. When Mom suggested bringing my siblings with us, I agreed. Even though I had dreamed of spending time with just her, I reminded myself that it was still her day and that making her happy mattered most. At the restaurant, while we were deciding what to order, I noticed Mom seemed interested in the barbecue. I mentioned that the barbecue there was really good. Before Mom could decide, my middle sister started insisting on Chinese food instead. I lightly nudged her with my elbow and looked at her as if to say let Mom decide because today is about her. Mom asked for the barbecue, but the waiter informed us it was unavailable, so she ordered pizza instead. Mom then asked each of us what we wanted. I ordered a club sandwich, my brother ordered a steak, and my younger sister wanted fries. When Mom asked my middle sister what she wanted, she stayed completely silent. I encouraged her to order, but she still said nothing. Thinking she simply could not decide, I suggested adding Chinese food as well because I did not want her to be left out. After ordering, my younger sister wanted to play outside, so I took her with me. While I was away, my middle sister played the victim card. She told Mom that I had been hitting her again and again and that I would not let her order. I had absolutely no idea this conversation had taken place. When I returned to the table, something felt different, but I could not understand why. We ate together, and afterward I happily suggested having ice cream and tea. Mom politely refused. I asked if there was anything else she wanted, but she kept saying no and thanked me for what I had already done. Later my younger sister wanted to ride the boats. I was ready to pay because I wanted to treat everyone. Before I could, Mom stopped me and said they were her children and she would pay for them herself. At the time, I convinced myself she was only trying to stop me from spending too much money because that is something many mothers do. I ignored the pain and tried to enjoy the rest of the day. Before we left, I gathered the courage to ask Mom if we could have a mother daughter day someday with just the two of us. I wanted to take her shopping, talk to her, laugh together, and slowly rebuild the relationship that has felt broken for so long. She looked at me and simply said no. Then she added that she had her other children too. I smiled, but deep inside something hurt. Tonight became much worse. I cooked myself some noodles and used the free chopsticks that came with our takeaway food. My middle sister suddenly became furious because she had wanted to keep them. Even after I told her I would happily buy her a new pair, she refused to stop. She and my younger sister spent almost two hours verbally abusing me. For two hours they called me names, insulted me, mocked me, and threw hurtful words at me over something as small as a free pair of chopsticks. I stayed quiet because I no longer had the strength to defend myself. Then, after those two hours of verbal abuse, my middle sister finally told me what had happened while I had been outside with my younger sister. She admitted that she had told Mom I kept hitting her and stopping her from ordering. She also told me that Mom hated me. At that moment everything finally made sense. Every time Mom refused the ice cream. Every time she refused the tea. The moment she stopped me from paying for the boat ride. The moment she rejected the mother daughter day I had dreamed about. I finally realized that Mom probably believed I had spent the day mistreating my sister. The realization hit me harder than anything else. I had spent weeks saving money, planning this day, hoping to heal our relationship, but instead I felt like I had only pushed Mom even further away. I felt like the little bond I was trying so hard to rebuild had broken even more. That realization was what truly made me cry. It was not the money. It was not the food. It was not even being told no. It was the crushing feeling that my effort to bring us closer had somehow achieved the exact opposite. I cried until my head hurt so badly that the emotional pain felt almost physical. I could not stop replaying every moment of the day, wondering how everything had gone so wrong. I kept asking myself one question. Am I not her child too Even after everything that happened today, my heart still wants the same thing it wanted from the beginning. I do not want to fight with my siblings. I do not want to compete for my mother's love. I simply want a healthy relationship with her. I want to spend time with her, take her shopping, talk openly, laugh together, and feel like her daughter again. Maybe today did not end the way I dreamed it would. Maybe my intentions were misunderstood because someone chose to play the victim instead of telling the truth. But I know why I planned this day. I know the love behind every rupee I saved and every plan I made. No misunderstanding can ever take away the truth of why I wanted this day to happen. Tonight my heart feels heavier than it has in a very long time. My eyes are swollen from crying, my head aches from the stress, and all I can think about is how badly I wanted this day to bring my mom closer to me instead of feeling like I lost her even more.

The Hidden Journey of the Water That Powers AI

Student Support / by Mairaiqbal518

July 1st

...See more AI isn't spilling the tea... it's evaporating the waterHave you ever wondered how a simple conversation with AI could have anything to do with water It sounds strange at first. After all, AI cannot drink, shower, or wash dishes. So why do people say it uses water The answer lies behind the screens we never see. Every time you ask AI a question, thousands of powerful computers work together inside massive data centers. These machines perform millions of calculations in seconds, and while doing so, they generate an incredible amount of heat. Just like a laptop becomes warm after hours of use, these computers become much hotter. To keep them from overheating, they need cooling. Some cooling systems circulate water again and again, using the same water many times. Others cool the equipment by allowing water to evaporate. That is where the question begins. So where does the water go It does not disappear. When water evaporates, it rises into the atmosphere as invisible water vapor. It later forms clouds and eventually falls back to Earth as rain or snow. In other words, much of the water used to cool AI becomes part of the same natural water cycle that has existed for millions of years. So if the water comes back, why are people concerned Because water does not always return to the same place. Many data centers take fresh water from nearby rivers, lakes, or underground sources. If those areas already struggle with drought or limited water supplies, using large amounts of water can place extra pressure on local communities and nature. The rain that falls later may arrive somewhere else, weeks or even months later. There is another hidden connection. The electricity that powers AI also has its own water footprint. Many power plants use water to keep their equipment cool while generating electricity. This means that before AI can even answer a question, water may have already been used to produce the energy that makes it possible. The good news is that the story does not end there. Engineers and scientists around the world are creating more efficient computer chips, smarter cooling systems, and new ways to recycle water instead of constantly using fresh supplies. Some data centers are even being built in cooler climates where nature helps keep computers cool, reducing the amount of water needed. Technology is one of humanity's greatest achievements, but every innovation comes with responsibility. AI has the potential to educate, inspire, create, and solve problems that once seemed impossible. As it becomes a bigger part of our lives, learning about its environmental impact helps us appreciate not only what technology can do, but also what it asks of our planet. The next time someone says AI uses a lot of water, remember this. The water is not lost forever. It continues its ancient journey through the sky, the clouds, and the rain. The real question is not where the water goes. The real question is how wisely we choose to use it. Because every drop has a story, and every choice shapes the future.

The Silent Weight We Carry

Journals & Diaries / by Mairaiqbal518

June 30th

...See more For Every Teen Who Feels Alone There is something people rarely talk about when it comes to being a teenager. How can someone be surrounded by friends, family, and classmates yet still feel completely alone. Every day feels like another race. Get good grades. Plan your future. Make everyone proud. Smile even when you are exhausted. Somewhere along the way, we start believing that our worth depends on how much we achieve instead of who we are. Some nights the mind becomes louder than the world. Tiny mistakes feel huge. The future feels frightening. We compare our lives with everyone else and wonder why we are not enough. But the truth is that no teenager is supposed to have life figured out. Growing up is confusing. It is okay to feel lost. It is okay to ask for help. It is okay to rest. If your heart feels heavy today, please remember this. You are not behind. You are not broken. You are not a failure. You are simply growing through one of the hardest chapters of life. Be patient with yourself. Celebrate the smallest victories. Take one step at a time. Talk to someone you trust. And on the days when all you can do is keep going, know that it is more than enough. One day, you will look back and realize that the teenager who thought they were falling apart was actually learning how to become stronger. Until then, be kind to yourself. The world does not need a perfect version of you. It simply needs you.

Remaining Soft in a Hard World

Journals & Diaries / by Mairaiqbal518

June 29th

...See more People often call me childish. They say it because I talk passionately about my hobbies, play games, get excited over the smallest things, and wear my emotions openly. I cry easily, laugh loudly, and find joy in simple moments. To many people, these things are signs of immaturity. Sometimes, when I become emotional, people ask me, "Are you a child or something?" What surprises me even more is how proudly some people call themselves "heartless." They justify it by saying that this is what society demands that if you want to survive or fit in, you have to stop caring so much. They tell me, "You're still a child. You won't understand." But I always think the same thing: I would rather remain a child than become someone my seventeen year old self would hate. I refuse to believe that growing up means becoming cold, indifferent, or emotionally distant. If society expects me to lose my kindness, curiosity, excitement, and empathy just to fit in, then perhaps fitting in is not something I want. Society is far from perfect. I know there are many things wrong with it. But instead of changing myself to match everything that is wrong, I would rather try whatever little I can, to change those wrong things. I want to keep feeling deeply. I want to stay excited about small joys. I want to care, to love, to create, and to remain soft in a world that often rewards hardness. And if that makes me childish, then maybe being childish is not such a bad thing after all. This is first step to that little change I want to bring.

Journal: The Story of Me and Miss Gazelle Eyes

Grief & Loss / by Mairaiqbal518

June 28th

...See more A Story So Long That Almost No One Will Read It to the End For the sake of privacy, I will not use this person's real name in this journal. Instead, I will call her Miss Gazelle Eyes because of her beautiful, gentle eyes that always stood out to me. For a long time, she was a source of light, guidance, comfort, and wisdom in my life. October 2024 was one of the hardest periods of my life. My mother left, and I felt abandoned, broken, and alone. During that painful time, I leaned heavily on Miss Gazelle Eyes. She was not my biological sister, nor exactly a friend. She was someone from another family whom I considered my sister, my guide, my teacher, and my well wisher. I trusted her deeply and shared almost everything with her. One day, while I was visiting Miss Gazelle Eyes to celebrate her Umrah, I realized I had left my SIM card at home. Out of nowhere, a woman from my family whom I affectionately call my Chachi called directly on Miss Gazelle Eyes phone. Living in a close knit joint family, addressing our elders with traditional titles and having them check up on us is completely natural. As soon as the call ended, I immediately explained to Miss Gazelle Eyes that it was my aunt calling to make sure I was safe and that everything was fine. Later, I spoke with my Chachi and gently reassured her that Miss Gazelle Eyes came from a wonderful family, so there was absolutely no need to worry whenever I visited her. In February 2025, my mother unexpectedly returned. I had never expected her to come back, and I was overwhelmed with happiness. I told Miss Gazelle Eyes that my mother had returned. After that period, things slowly began to change between us. Miss Gazelle Eyes told me that she had started a new job and would be busy. Our conversations became less frequent. I missed her deeply and became afraid that she was slowly leaving me. The less we talked, the more anxious I became. Although she had once promised that we would talk every Sunday, the weeks gradually turned into months. I repeatedly tried to discuss my fears with her, but these conversations often turned into arguments. Sometimes I felt ignored, and sometimes I felt hurt by the way she responded to my concerns. As time went on, our bond faced many difficulties, and we ended up in numerous arguments. During these conflicts, her behavior changed completely as she began breaking her promises and speaking to me rudely. She even started blocking me over the smallest misunderstandings. It broke my heart when she claimed that I was begging for her love, that I was obsessed with her, or that I was experiencing psychological effects. Hearing these painful accusations shattered me because my affection for her was pure, and I simply cared for her deeply like a sister. We did meet each other in between, and those meetings hold some of my best memories, but after that, things took a wild turn once again. Eventually, in January 2026, Miss Gazelle Eyes completely distanced herself. She said that she was busy and could no longer give me time. I was devastated. It felt as though the world had ended. Recovering from that loss took months. I cried, grieved, and struggled to accept that someone so important to me was no longer part of my life. The first thirteen days following the separation became a complete blur because I was entirely out of my senses. My body felt heated all the time, as though a fever had taken over, and my eyes grew painfully dry from constant crying and deep hurt. The emotional stress caused my jaw to ache severely from tension, and my forehead throbbed constantly as if it might burst at any moment. I completely stopped eating and talking to anyone, which left my entire family deeply confused. To them, everything seemed perfectly fine because I had intentionally hidden the truth. I chose never to mention our arguments or say anything bad about her since I firmly believed our struggles were a private matter. Because of this silence, I had no answers for my family when they questioned my sudden change. It was impossible to explain to them that this devastation was not a sudden event but rather the final breaking point of a painful one year struggle during which I had already tried everything within my power to save the bond. This Eid, after months of separation, I finally gathered the courage to message Miss Gazelle Eyes. To my surprise, we spoke politely. During that conversation, I told her how deeply her departure had hurt me. However, she brought up two issues that had apparently troubled her for a long time. First, she believed that I had created fake accounts to follow her family account. I denied this because I truly had not done so. Second, she accused me of lying regarding the family call incident. Before I could fully explain myself, she said Allah Hafiz and deleted the chat. On the night of 29 May, we spoke from approximately 2 a.m. until nearly 4 a.m. After she ended the conversation, I could not sleep. I spent the entire night lying awake, walking around my room, thinking, overthinking, and desperately waiting for morning because I wanted to clear the misunderstanding. I was also happy because I finally understood the reason she had left, and I believed that now I could clear the misunderstanding and everything would be fine again. I was extremely excited, convinced that by morning I would fix everything. I eventually fell asleep around 9 a.m. but woke up an hour later because my mother was preparing for guests on the third day of Eid. Throughout the day, I repeatedly asked my mother to speak to Miss Gazelle Eyes in order to help clear the misunderstanding. My mother had strongly opposed my contact with Miss Gazelle Eyes ever since our previous separation. However, after almost thirty minutes of convincing, she finally agreed to help. When I attempted to call Miss Gazelle Eyes, I discovered that she had blocked my number. That realization shattered me. I cried intensely in front of my mother. Although she was upset that I had reconnected with Miss Gazelle Eyes, she still comforted me while warning me not to continue chasing someone who had chosen to leave. Despite these warnings, on 30 May, I sent one final voice message because I desperately wanted a better ending. Since then, I have experienced confusion, hope, heartbreak, anger, regret, grief, and disappointment all over again. It felt as though I had reopened a wound that had never properly healed in the first place. For months, I had worked hard to recover from the first heartbreak. I genuinely believed that I had finally started moving on. Yet reopening this chapter brought back emotions I thought I had already survived. Since then, I have struggled to sleep. I do not truly sleep anymore. Instead, I drift into short dreams, wake up, lie down again, and then fall into another brief dream. The cycle repeats throughout the night. Over time, I found myself repeatedly questioning everything. Was I wrong Was she wrong Why did she accuse me of things I never did Why was I not given a chance to explain Why was I blocked without being heard I have felt intense anger because someone I trusted, respected, and loved as a guide judged me without fully listening to my side and used my weakness against me. My mother, on the other hand, is also extremely angry with me for contacting her again and views that block as a sign of disrespect toward both of us. She was standing beside me, waiting for the call to be answered, only to discover that I had been blocked. She never had a problem with me sharing things with Miss Gazelle Eyes, but now she regrets not stopping me earlier. She has become disappointed in me and no longer discusses or shares many things with me. Whenever I ask her what happened, she simply tells me to go and ask Miss Gazelle Eyes instead. Losing the trust and openness of two people I loved deeply has left me feeling devastated and alone. At times, the pain has become so overwhelming that I have felt completely hopeless and wondered whether trusting anyone was a mistake. Yet, despite everything, a part of me still hopes that one day I will heal from all of this. At the same time, I have also reflected on my own mistakes. I recognize that I became deeply attached to Miss Gazelle Eyes. I feared losing her, struggled when our communication decreased, and sometimes allowed my fear of abandonment to influence my reactions. Recently, I sent an emotional voice note on *** because it was the only platform where I was not blocked. Two weeks later, she viewed the chat but did not respond. After a month of silence and uncertainty, overwhelmed by unanswered questions, I finally called her on ***. As I write this journal, I still do not know how this story will end. But I do know one thing. My deepest pain is not simply that the relationship ended. My deepest pain is feeling unheard, misunderstood, accused, and left without closure by someone who once meant so much to me. Many people who have listened to my story believe that she may have used these accusations to justify leaving the relationship. Hearing this does not lessen my pain. Instead, it deepens it. Regardless of what happens next, I survived the first heartbreak, and I will survive this one too.

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