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MajaNaIsAtTheEdge3003
185 M Embraced 1
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts26 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes14 Current upvotes14 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2023 Member sinceMarch 8, 2023
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Do I need help
7 Cups Online Therapy / by MajaNaIsAtTheEdge3003
Last post
 April 13th, 2023
...See more Hello, I am new, I think I might need help but I'm struggling... I mean what if I'm exagerrating my problems not even knowing it So I suspect I might have depression, anxiety, ADHD, and anger issues... My mood has changed a lot in the past 2 years to the point where I no longer feel joy for stuff that used to make me much happier before, I eat too much for no reason even when I'm not hungry, I feel tired and burnt out all the time, I don't take care of my looks, I generally feel like I don't care about anything anymore really... The things I enjoyed most, now I have no motivation for that either. My grades in school drastically dropped compared to what I used to have in elementary school, I used to be considered smart and "gifted" now no one cares about me, I feel stupid, I want to be happier but I'm not doing anything about it, I hate socializing and having friends seems tiring to me and keeping any kind of a relationship with anyone for a longer amount of time is so hard for me but at the same time I don't wanna be alone, I have an overactive imagination and sometimes I imagine scenarios where I commit suicide, i don't even know why I do that, I live in fear my whole life will pass without me accomplishing anything I consider significant, so to me that would mean I was completely worthless, it's litteraly my biggest fear. I worry a lot but at the same time don't give a damn about stuff that i probably should give a damn about, for example school. In classes I get distracted easily, I zone out, I sometimes can't even bring myself to do the basic tasks, I procrastinate a lot... I've been called lazy so many times but I have so many things stored and planned in my screwed up brain that I can't seem to anyhow project into reality so they just stay there... I also have this problem with maladaptive daydreaming which I'm very embarassed about, at this point it's almost like an addiction, but the other day it got worse, when maladaptive daydreaming didn't accomplish the effect I wanted it to accomplish (that wave of unexplainable satisfaction) I got upset and was on a breakdown for absolutely no reason at all... I litteraly smashed my phone on the table and the screen shattered. I've been so afraid to tell my parents the truth, I lied and told it fell from the shelf. That was just a couple of days ago, that's when I started thinking more about my history with these feelings, and realized a similar thing has happened a month ago when I had a fight with my parents (just to clarify, they are generally not supportive in any aspect at all), throughout the fight I didn't say anything, but when they left for work I went upstairs and I felt as if I was possesed, I completely demolished my own room, throwing stuff around and from the table, throwing the clothes out of the wardrobe and stomping all over all of it, punching pillows, all with loud music I turned on in the background... Similar stuff would happen before, now that I think about it... And... Then I would have this thing where when someone was getting on my nerves so much my mind would just picture them dying or me hurting them... I was absolutely terrified of myself when that would happen... So this really makes me suspect on anger issues, but then again, despite all the aforementioned stuff, I am still so afraid to open up to my parents about it, I mean if I tell them all of this and if I do need a therapist they would never be able to see me the same way again... I mean they know and say I was generally odd since I was a kid but like this, them not knowing, I feel like at least there's an illusion of normality over me... Though they never ask me how I feel and it hurts... My mind is so messed up, I don't want any of this, I don't want a therapist, but i do at the same time, but no matter which outcome in the end I just wanna be happy, and every day I wonder why the heck can't i just be happy, or not even happy, why can't I at least just be NORMAL... I'm still so young and I don't understand why am I the way I am, and yet still with all of it I wonder if it's all just in my fuzzy head because I'm scared of being called an "attention seeker", "faker" or smth, yeah... Shortly... I have no idea what to do... Damn, this is long... I probably said too much. And this is supposed to be a positive place... I am so sorry, for everyone who took their time reading this, thank you, and if you think you could help... Please do...
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