Do I need help
Hello, I am new, I think I might need help but I'm struggling... I mean what if I'm exagerrating my problems not even knowing it
So I suspect I might have depression, anxiety, ADHD, and anger issues... My mood has changed a lot in the past 2 years to the point where I no longer feel joy for stuff that used to make me much happier before, I eat too much for no reason even when I'm not hungry, I feel tired and burnt out all the time, I don't take care of my looks, I generally feel like I don't care about anything anymore really... The things I enjoyed most, now I have no motivation for that either. My grades in school drastically dropped compared to what I used to have in elementary school, I used to be considered smart and "gifted" now no one cares about me, I feel stupid, I want to be happier but I'm not doing anything about it, I hate socializing and having friends seems tiring to me and keeping any kind of a relationship with anyone for a longer amount of time is so hard for me but at the same time I don't wanna be alone, I have an overactive imagination and sometimes I imagine scenarios where I commit suicide, i don't even know why I do that, I live in fear my whole life will pass without me accomplishing anything I consider significant, so to me that would mean I was completely worthless, it's litteraly my biggest fear. I worry a lot but at the same time don't give a damn about stuff that i probably should give a damn about, for example school. In classes I get distracted easily, I zone out, I sometimes can't even bring myself to do the basic tasks, I procrastinate a lot... I've been called lazy so many times but I have so many things stored and planned in my screwed up brain that I can't seem to anyhow project into reality so they just stay there... I also have this problem with maladaptive daydreaming which I'm very embarassed about, at this point it's almost like an addiction, but the other day it got worse, when maladaptive daydreaming didn't accomplish the effect I wanted it to accomplish (that wave of unexplainable satisfaction) I got upset and was on a breakdown for absolutely no reason at all... I litteraly smashed my phone on the table and the screen shattered. I've been so afraid to tell my parents the truth, I lied and told it fell from the shelf. That was just a couple of days ago, that's when I started thinking more about my history with these feelings, and realized a similar thing has happened a month ago when I had a fight with my parents (just to clarify, they are generally not supportive in any aspect at all), throughout the fight I didn't say anything, but when they left for work I went upstairs and I felt as if I was possesed, I completely demolished my own room, throwing stuff around and from the table, throwing the clothes out of the wardrobe and stomping all over all of it, punching pillows, all with loud music I turned on in the background... Similar stuff would happen before, now that I think about it... And... Then I would have this thing where when someone was getting on my nerves so much my mind would just picture them dying or me hurting them... I was absolutely terrified of myself when that would happen... So this really makes me suspect on anger issues, but then again, despite all the aforementioned stuff, I am still so afraid to open up to my parents about it, I mean if I tell them all of this and if I do need a therapist they would never be able to see me the same way again... I mean they know and say I was generally odd since I was a kid but like this, them not knowing, I feel like at least there's an illusion of normality over me... Though they never ask me how I feel and it hurts... My mind is so messed up, I don't want any of this, I don't want a therapist, but i do at the same time, but no matter which outcome in the end I just wanna be happy, and every day I wonder why the heck can't i just be happy, or not even happy, why can't I at least just be NORMAL... I'm still so young and I don't understand why am I the way I am, and yet still with all of it I wonder if it's all just in my fuzzy head because I'm scared of being called an "attention seeker", "faker" or smth, yeah... Shortly... I have no idea what to do...
Damn, this is long...
I probably said too much.
And this is supposed to be a positive place...
I am so sorry, for everyone who took their time reading this, thank you, and if you think you could help... Please do...
@MajaNaIsAtTheEdge3003 I am so sorry you are feeling so bad these days. Dealing with feelings can often lead me to want to overeat or exercise to have some control.
Giving into anger is dangerous. The more we let anger control us, the more damage we can do to ourselves, our environment and others. And after the blow up I usually feel worse than before. Finding ways to cope with anger can really help people to be happier.
It is okay to vent here - everything is not positive here. Sometimes a listener can help in ways that in a forum may not be possible.
Know that people care about you but getting better starts with you making a commitment not to give into destructive urges. Here is a technique that can be used with anger management https://youtu.be/pxEewu_lqVw
and this can help manage impulses https://youtu.be/pXWQXDxXg5U
Hope you get the support you are looking for - soulsings
Hi
You mention how you don’t feel you have achieved anything significant in life and that you feel worthless because of this but I believe if you look back in your life , you will realise that you have achieved so much . It doesn’t need to be a big award of a good grade to be significant. You could say that you sharing your problems on here is an achievement . Trust me you are far from worthless .
I completely get you not being able to do simple tasks at school. I’m having that issue myself at the moment. For me it’s because my head is too busy and so every little thing seems like an impossible puzzle . But you’ve just got to take it one thing at a time . Give yourself credit if you write the date, title or complete one question because you are not lazy .
Don’t give up on yourself , you have time to find that happiness to find things that make you happy again and trust me I don’t believe normal exists but I understand your want for it .
Keep talking on this platform or other platforms and there is other support out there even if you don’t want a therapist.
Be kind to yourself .
Here are some free mental health apps -
https://tinyurl.com/Big-List
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.jacksontempra.apps.whatsup
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=is.vertical.ptsdcoach
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=id.com.WorryDolls
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.woebot
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.bluepilltech.liberate.ocdapp
https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=sk.phx.terrarium (not technically for mental health but a tapper game that's great for anxiety)
Maja I relate to you on nearly all of these problems. I understand you problems with depression and anger. I often shove my feelings deep down until iI feel numb, only for it to come out in all of its fury. I've had times where I destroyed my room, my furniture, and of that. Even ripping off hanger off doors. I understand. What I try to do now is to punch a pillow or slam it until all of my energy is out. I've had fights with my mom, over dumb stuff or small stuff. In the end, we end up hurting each other. I'm sorry that your parents haven't supported you enough, that is gross on their part. I understand those thoughts with suicide? I would develope fantasy as well. I've also had fantasy of destroying the people who have did something bad to me. I get the gifted part. I was always the nerd, and the last couple of years my reputation in that area has diminished. Now people see me as a loser lol. But don't care what people judge you by. If they don't know what your going through, they don't know who they are judging. And if they do know, then they are not your friend. Put energy into those who put energy into you. You not stupid because of grades. Do grades for you, not for other people. And in terms of a life achievement, I understand where you are coming from. Me and my mom are low middle class, in a 3 room 1 bedroom apartment in the ghetto. One of my greatest fears is never getting out and staying here forever while my mom gets sicker by the day. You will achieve something significant in life, you just have to believe. I know it is cliche, but I have had to learn it on my own, without support.
You aren't saying too much, you are saying exactly how you feel. Don't believe that you are exaggerating, because you saying this here means and shows a lot. You are self-aware of your problems, which is a gift. No matter if it brings you down, you should be grateful for it. You are unbelievably strong to be able to go through all of this. And with being happy, I feel that it is the ultimate goal in life, and for people like you and me it can be far to reach lol. Whether it is through a therapist or not, you should get some sort of help, even if it is support from people here. It is a positive space, but us taling about our problems doesn't make it negative. It makes it so that we try to work on our positivity. I hope this helped in some way, just know that you are not alone and you will make it through this. 😇😇🤗
Wow I resonated with this waaay to well. Damn I need help...