MakotoTo Member Profile

...See more I'm 17 f and have one friend. She's lil bit dramatic and loud but still, we're friends. I have calm or bored attitude but I always feel depressed or tired after school on my way back home. Numb feeling all over my body except tiredness. I always feel like I wanna escape from all social interactions, maybe I'm a introvert person (used to have social anxiety, better now) I just don't like conversations with others. Lately I've been avoiding to walk with her until bus stop because I'm tired of it and she told me she was lonely. Sometimes I like her and sometimes I don't. I don't like her little because it seems like she's trying to gain attention to herself by being dramatic and it feels unfair. What I'm trying to say is that, I also want attention but isn't it inappropriate? It's too childish and stupid, and I'm angry that she can show and tell how much she's hurt... I just want people to understand me and love me, and I even endured all my pain to not become nuisance. It's unfair. And there's lots more going on my mind, a lot!, probably it will be over 10000 word or smth. And I'm frustrated that whenever I try to voice my feelings out, I forgot everything. And the worst thing is that the bitter feelings left by past still linger in my heart. Others say there's a lot of people with the same problems, you're not alone but how can you be so sure? If I never met others, how can I trust you? It's all same, "you're not alone" but I am alone ... I think I need a therapist but I don't think my parents can afford it, with my mother in a hospital. I know I need something but don't know what, it's itching my heart away. I really don't know...

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