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MamaBear4life
1 87 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts21 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2025 Member sinceMay 28, 2025
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What now?
Newbie Hub / by MamaBear4life
Last post
 June 12th, 2025
...See more Well, hello to you all. Here goes nothing… I have been here a short time now and have read some stories and…. Wow. We have some true warriors here on this app for sure. Looking to be one as well! Maybe I have finally worked up the courage to tell a little about me. My story, I’m sure, is similar. Child hood trauma then…when I started drinking at around 18, I thought I was “normal”, but I am pretty sure I have never done it right. 😣 I’m not the cute girl in the corner holding a wine glass… I’m the shot taking, loud, super fun, sloppy, fighting, one who’s blacking out( or at least that’s what it used to be im my 20’s) Until I became a parent and learned how to be high functioning. Maintained a “good, normal look” for the most part until everyone was in bed and then…let the blackout begin. Lots of shameful mornings and I have spent more than my fair share of time hungover. 🙄🤦🏻‍♀️ I have gotten sober for short periods once or twice… and thankfully I managed to stop each time I was pregnant and breastfeeding, so at least there is that to be proud of. Now, I have stopped drinking everyday. My body hurts. I’m positive I have problems with my liver and pancreas at this point. But I tend to fall back into it hard when triggered. I have dealt with alot of my pain and childhood trauma, so again, another positive, but not all of it just “goes away”….and it shows. I’m 41. I have been drinking pretty heavily since about 18. I have 4 really great kids and an angel of a huaband who, thankfully, is still here. But man have I hurt him the most. For the most part, I’m a really good wife and mother, health nut… but this, drinking is definitely a problem for me. My husband, as much as he loves me is learning to not love me as much because of me… my actions and words and the rage that flows through me because of my past. He’s so wonderful and deserves nothing but the best and that’s all I want to do is give it to him but I feel so broken!! It’s shameful, embarrassing, frustrating…. Ugh! But here I am. So what now?
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