What now?
Well, hello to you all.
Here goes nothing… I have been here a short time now and have read some stories and…. Wow. We have some true warriors here on this app for sure. Looking to be one as well! Maybe I have finally worked up the courage to tell a little about me. My story, I’m sure, is similar. Child hood trauma then…when I started drinking at around 18, I thought I was “normal”, but I am pretty sure I have never done it right. 😣 I’m not the cute girl in the corner holding a wine glass… I’m the shot taking, loud, super fun, sloppy, fighting, one who’s blacking out( or at least that’s what it used to be im my 20’s) Until I became a parent and learned how to be high functioning. Maintained a “good, normal look” for the most part until everyone was in bed and then…let the blackout begin. Lots of shameful mornings and I have spent more than my fair share of time hungover. 🙄🤦🏻♀️ I have gotten sober for short periods once or twice… and thankfully I managed to stop each time I was pregnant and breastfeeding, so at least there is that to be proud of. Now, I have stopped drinking everyday. My body hurts. I’m positive I have problems with my liver and pancreas at this point. But I tend to fall back into it hard when triggered. I have dealt with alot of my pain and childhood trauma, so again, another positive, but not all of it just “goes away”….and it shows. I’m 41. I have been drinking pretty heavily since about 18. I have 4 really great kids and an angel of a huaband who, thankfully, is still here. But man have I hurt him the most. For the most part, I’m a really good wife and mother, health nut… but this, drinking is definitely a problem for me. My husband, as much as he loves me is learning to not love me as much because of me… my actions and words and the rage that flows through me because of my past. He’s so wonderful and deserves nothing but the best and that’s all I want to do is give it to him but I feel so broken!! It’s shameful, embarrassing, frustrating…. Ugh! But here I am. So what now?
@MamaBear4life
Congratulations you have written out your situation .... you know it is a problem and want to do something about it. I think drinking is hard because it is all around us.... i am a spouse to someone like you describe was high functioning ....... but long term use caused many problems.
List your WHY to look at or remember when you get up and think I will have a drink.... why have any in house? who is buying it you .. does your spouse drink ... many support persons like spouses / partners it is often better to stop as well IMO.
WHY to quit for good.
health ... some damage may already be permanent.
Kids... they know and see more then you think ......they do you can be a great example for them. Also showing them the dark truth about drinking ....... health costs we never think of in 20"s etc.
so many others may be specific only to you...
when my spouse quit it was amazing but also maddening the amount of money saved not buying
many find help in group AA type settings and al anon for your spouse.
@MamaBeat4life Welcome!✨🤍 Thankyou for sharing ur story ❤️ I wish you'll get through this and hope you find the support you need! 💕🍀 Sending lots of love and comfort to you! ❤️
@MamaBear4life hi! I'm a teenager who has also dealt with child abuse and neglect and i struggle a lot. Sometimes I consider options such as drinking in order to forget, see who i am without my thoughts, but my grandpa went through the exact same and he ended up with severe health problems and lost some quality time with his family while making irreflected decisions. Please try to stop drinking, one thing that has helped my grandpa, when he was forced to quit was medicine for addiction, and also lemon drops to try to control his compulsiveness- also note that this process is a lot harder if you have to do it within a deadline bc of health issues, so try to start taking small steps every day. I believe in you and i know you can!
@MamaBear4life don't be ashamed or embarrassed, it's takes real strength to accept that something is wrong and needs to change, and to take genuine accountability, I admire you for that, our mistakes don't have to define us forever. I genuinely hope you can turn it all around, you deserve to be happy 💜
@MamaBear4life I used to binge drink pretty badly but quit in my 30s. My hangovers were terrible, and even if I only had a third of a small cup I'd wake up feeling like death warmed over. It got to the point where I was so tired of the feeling, drinking wasn't worth it anymore. It didn't bring the same escape it used to bring. I had to start thinking about it before I drank rather than after. Every time I wanted to drink I would think about everything that came along with it afterwards, and I prayed about it. It was enough, evidently, because even when the thought hits my mind I feel like I'm about to have diarrhea. I automatically decide its not a good idea. I haven't had one sip of alcohol in over five years. Mind you, this is coming from someone that used to keep a bottle of alcohol under her mattress to sip in the morning and start my day. I already "knew" I would need it.
Just think about it beforehand; think about it, and you'll realize you really don't want it anyway.
