Mantis333 Member Profile

...See more Ok so I just downloaded this today so im still figuring it out ***. Tried to post this once but idk if it went through. I have been feeling so hopeless and depressed for a long while now. I am just so unsure about what to do, how to take the first couple steps, again. So im just gonna say the main things that bother me atm. This year, actually a week ago today, I turned 21. This is supposed to be a milestone in my life. A happy one meant for celebrating. And I did. But this means I am now older than my mother. I lost my mom when I was 2 years old in a car accident. She fell asleep behind the wheel. My mom was 3 months away from her own 21st birthday. So knowing that I was the same age she passed, seeing how young she was, and now aging past that. It hurts. This brings me to another point in which I'm tired of hearing that it is so much easier for me because I don't remember her. And people are right that I don't remember her, but don't understand the hole in my life it has left behind. Seeing other people have these moments with their mothers is hard. Because I don't know what it feels like, and I never can. I won't have her at any of my big milestones, because she wasn't able to experience her own. This is also a very hush hush thing for my family so I don't have people to talk to. I feel kinda silly telling this to strangers. But this is only a fragment of my life that bothers me. I just wanna focus on one thing at a time though. Thank you for taking the time to read this. And I'd really appreciate some guidance on how to make this feeling more bearable.

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