Marsattacks1980 Member Profile

...See more I just turn 41. Had kids at a young age now they are young adults. The 2 older boys already moved out and the youngest still lives with me. I am also a grandmother to a 2 year old baby boy. I always wanted more kids since my first marriage was a disaster and I hoped I would get another chance at it. I met a wonderful man and we stayed together for over 10 years but we recently broke up. Turns out I can't have anymore kids and he of course wants to be a father. I thought I could let him go and wish him well with someone that can give him what he wants but its so hard. He now has a girlfriend but keeps coming around to see me. I've tried dating online but it truly sucks and with a pandemic not sure how else to go about it. Sometimes the pain is so unbearable, i could almost hear my heart breaking piece by piece. I have family support but I sometimes wish I could run so far away from everyone and everything. The thing is I was not truly happy with this man. At some point in our relationship, he became so angry and bitter and everything bothered him. I began to realize he was more unhappy than me. Pretty soon we were at each others throats saying horrible things while hurting so deeply. When the break up came, it almost took me by surprise but I knew it was only a matter of time. He knew I couldn't have anymore kids from the beginning of our relationship but we fooled ourselves into thinking we could make it work. Now, I'm not sure what is the next step in my life. I find myself questioning my own existence at times but I'm not giving up. I have faith in God that one day I will find the peace I desperately seek.

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