MattyGoofball Member Profile

Being disabled and isolated with no social contact

Disability Support / by MattyGoofball

July 17th

Structural grief about chilhood and current life isolation yap

Newbie Hub / by MattyGoofball

June 13th

...See more Hey everyone, just wanted to express myself here since I do not have a single friend or any support system.. It feels good to share and spread awareness about issues that's not spoken often. I feel like I grew up outside of life while everyone else was participating in it. I grew up poor in isolated villages, moving constantly, without stable friendships, extracurriculars, sports, trips or even basic opportunities other kids seemed to naturally have ( especially kids who grew up in cities ) My world was extremely small and overprotected, to the point where I had very little freedom or social development even as a teenager. Because of that, I feel deeply behind socially and emotionally compared to people my age who got to build confidence, memories and identity through experiences I never had access to and still have no access to as a grown adult due to being disabled and totally isolated in a recluse hamlet with my disabled family. What hurts the most is the loneliness of it all. I don’t just feel alone physically, the only hug I experienced in YEARS was from my long-distance partner I haven't been able to see in 6 months now. I feel disconnected from the shared human experiences everyone else seems to bond over naturally. Sometimes it feels like I spent my entire childhood observing life from behind glass instead of actually living it. Turns out I was autistic, and transgender and that's why I was bullied my whole life, I don't belong anywhere even if I try to find online communities, I end up being disappointed with humanity as a whole. It's like people don't want to create friendships anymore; they just stick to people they have known all their lives, and when you never had the luxury of having long-time friendships, well... you're in for a wild ride. Being isolated doesn't help, but I can't do anything about that, and i've mourned that my freedom and opportunities are limited. It feels like I am wasting my adulthood now, but what choices do I have? I don't have access to help or support, no social worker, no one who can bring me to a city to do activities or even a sport, because my hamlet is too small. And when you don't fit in the criterias in life, you're put behind. That's the sad reality. I envy people who are disabled and say " when I don't feel like cooking, I just order food ". Ah, I wish.. Those things don't exist there.. there's not a single restaurant, not even a post. Nothing at all. There's no such thing as public transport, no such thing as Uber or even food delivery. And when your family is poor and disabled, you don't get to choose where you live, no matter how much you want to access convenience. I just wish people would stop taking the little things for granted. I feel personally sad ( and perhaps projecting my own feelings ) when someone complains they live in a city of 100k people and keep saying " there's nothing to do, no restaurants or social life ", meanwhile you're stuck inside your bedroom in a hamlet of 14 people without even being able to get out for the night or go to a library or a park or a museum... I think I just wanted to get some things off my chest, and see if by any chances some people might relate? I just hope to find some compassion and kindkess, which can be hard to find online these days.. Love to all

Family relationship is toxic. Can't get out of the house, I am depressed.

Relationship Stress / by MattyGoofball

February 3rd, 2024

...See more I don't even know if somebody is gonna see this. I am in a though situation that I CANNOT control and change at the very moment for obvious reasons... I am actually living off-grid with my parents ( spoiler they're are abusing me and threatens me everyday ), in the middle of nowhere. Yes, that means no social life, no transportation, no money. I have nobody to help me or support me in real life, I feel lonely as ever and there is no way out for me. I don't have a bank account, I am disabled, I am anti-conformist and even If i had to leave in emergency I couldn't be homeless because of life saving medical attention I need every single day. I am feeling disappointed with my life, I am praying that God or another spiritual figure is helping me because how hopeless I have become. I do not expect people to get it if they never experienced being in my situation ever, but I cannot help myself but to be sad. I just want friends, go out. I can't. There is nothing. I don't even have wifi, I am currently using the phone data and I am sick of living like this and being miserable. I wish I had something to hope for , a lover , or a friend who wants to meet me. Please ... I beg for support or advices 😭 Sorry for grammar I'm not english

Im proud..

Motivation & Accountability / by MattyGoofball

March 25th, 2015

I heard about this from Tumblr !

Newbie Hub / by MattyGoofball

March 10th, 2015

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