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Maz12
33 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts1 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceOctober 30, 2014
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Things just seem to get worse.
Depression Support / by Maz12
Last post
 November 4th, 2014
...See more I found this beautiful website today because I needed help. This is the first time I've actually looked into any kind of therapy to help. I'm a 22yo female & I've been recently diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder after dealing with on/off depression since i was 15. I've fucked up a lot of my life in the last few years & made so many mistakes that I can't seem to forgive myself for & I feel like I can't seem to stop. Like I'm unintentionally self-destructive. I've dug myself into a big hole & I feel like I'm clawing to get out. Every time I think things are getting better & I'm finally getting out, something else happens its as if i get shoved back down & fall. This is the worst I've felt. I just want to disappear . I used to be suicidal & attempted a few times but to be honest.. I don't think I could anymore. I've already disappointed  everyone around me. I can't do that to them. So I want to disappear. I don't mean move to another place & start over. I mean just leave my waking life. I just want to sleep all day. Most days I find myself hoping to get hit by a car & end up in a coma. I know that sounds horrible & I'm sorry. I'm just at the end of my rope..  
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