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McWookie
1,242 M Little Steps 3
PathStep 95 Compassion hearts69 Forum posts27 Forum upvotes36 Current upvotes36 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2018 Member sinceMarch 4, 2018
Recent forum posts
Real and fake friends
Relationship Stress / by McWookie
Last post
 April 7th, 2018
...See more How can I see the difference between a real friend and someone who is just benefiting from using me?
I seem to be a toxic friend
Relationship Stress / by McWookie
Last post
 March 4th, 2018
...See more Hello, this is my first thread on 7cups and I am a bit nervous to talk about what's going on in my mind and in my life - and also excuse my English, please, it's not very good. I am having big troubles with my best friend, and I guess that I've always had. I always had a hard time trusting her because I never felt that I was really important to her. She always met with other friends, rarely invited me to hang out with her, and often ignored or left me on hold when I suggested that we could spent some time together. She often came up with the same excuses, saying that she was too busy and that she didn't have time for me. Yet I often had the feeling that I was just getting too much for her again and demanding too much attention from her. Often when she said that she was busy, I saw her playing online games with some of her friend she is always hanging out with. Or when I asked her if we could make some plans for the near future, she said that she doesn't know if she could do that for me since she's got lots of things to do. But at the same time, I know that she made plans with other people. It's just that we were or maybe that we still are (I really don't know what's going on at the moment) very close friends. We used to talk every day to each other, making jokes, helping the other person with troubles and communicating the significance of the other person. And yet, when it came to spending time with each other, she often acted really withdrawn. So at some point, I always got really upset at her and jealous. I used to tell her and she could calm me down for some time, but now it's just that she feels helpless. She thinks that nothing she could ever say to me would make me feel better. But that's the point, we only chat on the phone, but i rarely see her making actions torwards our friendship. The thing is that I am not mad at her. Not anymore. I realized that I've been almost forcing her being friends with me, although she gave me many signals in the past that she needs her space. And everytime I tried to talk to her about that - I asked if she's fine, if she needs space, if things with both of us are alright, if I upset her and so on - she always said that everything is alright. I've been really toxic and manipulatice in order to get attention and validation from her instead of seeing that I may just not be the right person for her. Now I am thinking of taking distance from her for her own good. I don't want her to feel forced being friends with me and also it depresses me alot having the feeling that I am abusing someone whom I love with my very heart and soul. I just want her to have a happy life, and I've got the feeling that I am not supposed to be a part of it. I come from a really abusive family, I got used to being let down, being manipulated, being used because I am just a really naive and clingy person. My parents fight every day, the beat each other, and I grew up being alone. I guess, I just want to feel important and loved. And in order to feel that way I overextended the patience and kindheartedness of my friend. She always tried her best to make me feel better, to make me feel loved and important. But texting with her never seemed enough for me, so I got angry and jealous, I acted like a monster torwards her.
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