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Mel44
729 M Little Steps
PathStep 15 Compassion hearts46 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2019 Member sinceJune 27, 2017
Bio

I am a 40 year old woman. I'm an actress and I also work behind the camera with the crew as an Assistant Locations Manager. I have a BA in Psychology which I have been told makes me easy to connect with. I am here because my husband of 17 years just asked me for a separation and I am severely depressed and hurt and having a hard time dealing with the loss, I am still hoping we can make it work but it's hard everyday.

Recent forum posts
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I don't know what my life is without him
Relationship Stress / by Mel44
Last post
 July 21st, 2017
...See more My husband of 17 years told me on July 5th he wants a separation and a divorce. He said he was moving out to an apartment he had for the last 3 months. He felt like I didn't care about him anymore that I didn't desire him. I know we've had some problems for a couple years but I had no idea he felt this way. I told him it wasn't fair that he hadn't said anything to me, that he couldn't just say all this and leave without giving me a chance. I got him to agree to see a marriage counselor but he said he wouldn't promise anything, so I looked into the counselling while he was away shortly after he left, he hasn't done anything with it but I have been going to therapy for weeks now. I have also seen my doctor and they have both told me I have severe depression and have for quite a while, this was just the catalyst to finally bring it to my attention. I told my husband about the depression and he said he knew I was and he was sorry for not pushing me to go deal with it. It hurts me so much that he knew that I was going through something like that and he still left me and said I had stopped trying, when I hadn't stopped trying I was just so depressed I didn't have the strength to do anything. He's been pushing me away for the last year and I've been trying so heard to just let him know I love him. But he says he loves me he's just not in love with me anymore. I don't know how to do this without him, he's my best friend, he's the man I want to spend my life with. Everyday I wake up and my heart breaks cause I don't feel his touch, see his smile or hear his voice. In therapy this week we talked about how he's been a different person for a little while and do I want to be with that person, I think he's been that way because he's felt hurt because according to him I don't care for him anymore, but I know I've been feeling better now that my depression and I know if he'd give me a chance we could both be more like we were when we were happy. But the question also broke up the idea of him not giving me a chance and really leaving, ending our marriage. And I don't even know how to deal with that, I just feel panic at the thought of trying to continue my life without him in it, he's been a part of everything I've done for half my life and I don't know how to keep doing that when he's now missing from all of it. And when I still love him as much as I always have, even now when he's hurt me in the worst way possible, all I want is to hold him and tell him how much I love him and not to throw me away, I can still make him happy if he'd just give me a chance. I don't want a future that doesn't have him in it.
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Just Try
Relationship Stress / by Mel44
Last post
 July 27th, 2017
...See more I
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