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Milady2117
1 668 M Embraced 5
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2025 Member sinceMay 25, 2021
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I'm just a kid trying to understand people
7 Cups Online Therapy / by Milady2117
Last post
 May 27th, 2021
...See more Hi, everyone. All of my life I am a people pleaser. This keeps going on until it reaches to 8 years and still counting to the point I have become a young adult. Some might say I'm pitiful but yes, I agree with it. I was forced to adapt things that I don't know. I was forced to be responsible at such a young age. Then, there it started. A habit of understanding everything and everybody going on with my life. Now, I decided that I am so tired being the soft one, the pleaser and the listener of every problem that I interacted to someone that is very close to me as my family and friends. I am terribly feeling lost and shattered. I feel like I'm not enough. I feel like I'm the moonlight in every darkness of everybody. But not as a person. All I want to be is being me. I want to be the kid that I was when I was happy and free. I want to be expressive in a good way. But no one understands me. I've come to reach to a point where I'm asking who am I in this life. Did I just born to be someone that could accept and help people but will always been the "victim" of forced adaptation? They say it takes time but for me you have no choice to choose what you want. Why? Because you are in no position to say so. I feel tired mentally. I don't know if I can be healed or be just the kid who wants to be understood and love as her own true identity.
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I'm a Chamelon
Depression Support / by Milady2117
Last post
 May 26th, 2021
...See more Hi, everybody. I decided to take a big step in my 8 years of depression to look and reflect at myself that I choose to neglect for years. So, this app is what I've found to be the instrument for my healing journey. Well, I am very much a type of person from which I suffer letting out my real personality and my inner thoughts. I have this defensive mechanism from which I choose to be somebody else that I'm not. I am stuck in a habit that it becomes a cycle through out the time like maintaining different images to show towards every person based on the acceptable "norms" that I should be doing in interaction. I am very much suffering in letting my inner self come out because I'm a person who can easily adapt a wide range of personalities like always blending in the environment. It depends on the basis of a person that I'm talking to. Actually, I don't know how to deal with it. All I know is I'm calm and very outgoing in the outside but very distant and tragic in private. Of course, I do meet people who will be later on filled me with new experiences. But since I have this trait, I have always adjust automatically and be not more or less as type of being natural "normal". The thing is this keeps on going for 8 years and it is still present. This happened for I have something on going with my family, a very strict one. I may seem good in expressing myself outside but it's a lie. Actually, as I talk about my issues I feel suffocating. All the pain and trauma I've suffered is making my heartache. To this year, I decided to do my best at understanding myself even I hate it because I pity myself and in denial of issues that I'm completely aware of. It took me courage and bravery to share with people. As far as I know, the "chameleon" is like a portrait where you want to be as a person. It exist to comfort me to a deep level but has it side effects. You may feel happy but never be fully accepted and trusted towards yourself along with people. In the end, you're stuck in a timeline where you always lie to yourself. But at the same time, you are protecting yourself from the dangers that may use you as a plaything. I appreciate you all hearing me out. But please I'm trying to be sane but the truth is I am not as empty as what I said. I am just too hard on myself for the world I was shown to was a very cold lifeless soul. It is me in fear of what might come to make me learn to love and accept who I am and for people that seem weird for me.
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