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MilenaW
761 M Little Steps
PathStep 27 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2019 Member sinceJune 25, 2018
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Problem with fitting in
Anxiety Support / by MilenaW
Last post
 June 25th, 2018
...See more In my daily life I constantly think about what I should do, how I should behave around other people because I don't know what others expect from me. My problem with being around people started in my early childhood. I've always felt different from others since then because most people avoided me or I couldn't to talk to them. So I had one two friends who usually also were outsider. I always divide people into 2 categories: those who can tolerate me and those who can't stand my presence. Unfortunately, I can't keep my friends for a long time. They get irritated or bored by my personality. They like when they have someone they can vent to but they can't really understand me, I think We get distant from each other because of our differences. I have similar problems with my parents. They've been trying to change me and said things like "Open up to people" "Try to talk more". They also get angry when I'm nervous and show this with hand gestures (I can't explain it and probably other things properly because English is my second language) even though I'm trying to talk politely and fight gets worse with every second. They took me to a psychologist several times but they told me only how to stop being shy which I think isn't my main problem. Of course, I also got bullied a lot and I couldn't even defend myself because I didn't know how to do it without making fool of myself. I made some assumptions in previous paragraph but it's hard to me to interpret things that occur around me. I made some progress in communication skills due to my bigger knowledge of psychology but also got more anxious and pesimistic. I feel like I'm daily reminded about how weird I am. I go to university where I can't form any friendships and don't get any support. I'm really afraid of new situations I don't how I should react to. When it happens I barely can breathe, I scrath my skin hard enough to feel pain or beat a wall with my head to feel at least small amount of relief. I feel hopeless after all of that.
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