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MissPengwin
2,643 M Hopeful Heart 5
PathStep 33 Compassion hearts251 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2020 Member sinceDecember 20, 2017
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A letter to my abusive ex-boyfriend
Trauma Support / by MissPengwin
Last post
 December 22nd, 2017
...See more To the one who has scarred me, There was a time in which I had loved you, in which I thought we would conquer the world together. There was a time in which I had expected us to last, through thick and thin, in which I wouldve done everything and anything for you. You see, when we first met, things were wonderful. I was blinded by my love for you, and by the sweet nothings that you said to me. But now I wonder if they were all just lies, ways to manipulate me to see things your way? You see, being young and naïve, I was easily influenceable. I thought I was ready to love and to fall blindly into a perfect relationship. What I had failed to notice was all the little signs that added up when we spoke. How, in one moment, you could be content with me, flattering me, and the next, screaming harsh words to me. Could you imagine what it would be like, to have your daily life planned out by another? To be told that you must wake up every morning at 7am (even though you went to bed at 2 or 3am) to call someone, and then constantly have to speak to them throughout the day? Not to forget all the videos and messages I was obliged to send nightly. You could say that I was not forced, you could say it was all my decision. But I think that youd be wrong to think so. The reason is as follows: if I refused to follow one of your ridiculous rules, I was forced to apologize, degrade myself, and praise you for being so merciful on me. You broke me; you made me apologize for things I had no control over, and you made me feel things that I have never felt before. I wonder how easy it was for you to call me a slut, a whore, or a bitch. I wonder if those words were truly meant to hurt me, or simply to tease me. When I confronted you, you simply told me that I was to be treated like the child I am. Honestly, I believe that the one acting so childlike was yourself. From the moment you put a gun to your temple in order to manipulate me to do the things you wanted, to all the little messages, insults, and fears that you have placed upon me; the most immature of the two was you. To think, for one moment, that I was not allowed to speak to my friends or to live my life that way I wanted because you disagreed was wrong. I want you to know that Ive learnt from my mistakes with you. Ive grown past these moments of my life, and I have found someone better. I have someone who listens, supports, and who truly loves me for who I am, regardless of my past. I have forgiven myself for falling victim to such a now obvious plot. It may have been difficult, but it is true. I have moved on, and I will leave all these awful memories behind me. I am no longer your slut, whore, bitch or slave. I will no longer obey everything that you want me to do. My life is mine to live, and I shall do all the things that I wish to do.
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