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Monky94
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceAugust 19, 2021
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Am I back to square 1? Is there no way forward from here? ADVICE??
Relationship Stress / by Monky94
Last post
 October 22nd, 2021
...See more Me and my ex gf of 5 years + 7 years friendship, have split up since August now, yet a month later, we started talking again, seeing eachother, dating, events, going out with friends, sleeping together occasionally etc. Been really good, like we had started fresh. Had a big chat, said she'd had dated someone and hated it (didn't bother me at all, but she stressed about telling me ) and told me that'd we take this relationship slowly, by not moving back in with me, until ready. Which I solely accepted, as nothing was more important, then to fix our relationship. And then, 4 weeks later, I start to feel like she's playing hard to get, which is the point where I think am I being taken for a ride here and was racking my brain, while trying to be strong at the same time. So the week after, we go for a nice walk, but found out that I had started vaping, which she doesn't like and I get her reasons. But, I had told her why I was, due to the fact I was finding circumstances difficult between me and her, because I didn't know where and stand. I also had lost a lot of work and have the burden of a unfinished house over my head. So I was kinda stressed, which I had told her, once we finished our walk... I asked her the question, where are we going between me and you, because I need to know, are we just friends or are we working on this relationship? ( I can't do friends right as I fear I'll be dropped off.) She broke down and said do I have to make the decision now, I said no, but I'm telling you now how I'm feeling, so just think about it. The week progressed, was good, was texting all day and I called here occasionally before she started at work, which she likes. So Friday, I asked if she fancied a meal out and we did. It was a nice night, but could tell that this question hanged over our heads. We went to the car and we had another big chat. She started tearing up, said the past month had been good, that she felt happy, safe and relaxed, but was fearful of the same result happening in our relationship, losing the spark between eachother and kind of forgetting one another due to responsibilities, which causes us to argue and damages her thoughts especially of us. And, cause of this she said, I don't see us together right now, but I see a future together and want to have kids.... At this point, I said you can't say that to me, how long do I wait for and what if I don't come back? It's not a gamble. I highlighted these points to her and said the main issue is we don't communicate with one another, as we try to avoid the confrontation, but doesn't work. And that we've gotten to tied up with our own responsibilities (me especially with this house!) That we had kinda neglected eachother. I stressed how we could progress in a different way, by dedicating one day a week to spend time with eachother while doing our own thing to build our own wellbeing living separately and that we'd even go counseling a couple weeks in. As we both said at the time that we have such a long past between us, it's alot to lose. We both agreed! that this was the way forward and that was what we would do. Both smiling and tearful, but felt up most joy. Yet, the next morning a text came... She changed her mind and sent me off with a goodbye, as for thinking the same result will happen, yet says, time will see and heal us. I said fine, but I can't be having around for you no more. And she replied sorry, I understand. BACK TO SQUARE 1. Any advice or what to do guys, thanks?
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Feels no spark anymore.
Relationship Stress / by Monky94
Last post
 August 20th, 2021
...See more Some me and my GF are splitting up after 5 years, with 6+ plus years being friends beforehand. While, the last 2 years we have lived together. We bought and moved into a rundown house, that needs a complete overhaul, which is basically a full time building site. Yet we also have 3 dogs and both have full time jobs. We nearly broke up 5 Months ago, (left and came back) for the same reason we are splitting up now. My gf feels no spark, but love and cares for me. I've stressed to her that we both have to work together for this to work and that it's normal to feel like that at times. The past 5 months, I've changed my ways for the better to prevent bickering, disagreements, booking events for us both, really putting ourselves out there after being Lockdown etc and to be honest it's the least stressed I've ever felt and have enjoyed all the good moments. However, come last week after a little argument due to the house and one of our pets, she's changed her mind again and said she can't go on. Yet the week before, she'll say, 'I know when you're going to propose to me bla bla' and this is the week before and not just the once? And the day before I came back from my holiday, she's basically crying about how sorry she is about the way things are and that she loves me so much. So now she's moving out, I'm really confused.. She loves and cares for me, but has no spark feeling towards me anymore. But if she loves me or if our relationship meant anything, she'll do her part to help fix this together? What should I do?
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