MoonBeast Member Profile

...See more I don't know how many know or may remember me, but in April, I started using 7 Cups of Tea. I was in a abusive relationship that had remained abusive on an emotional, verbal and financial level, and in April she escalated into physical abuse. I stayed even after breaking up with her. I went to the couch by my own choice. My saving grace, was meeting a couple on a online game. With their support and checking up on me, I made the choice to leave. June 7th, two days after her 22nd birthday. Another friend offered to take me away. He arrived, we took as much as we could for the time being. The following Tuesday, she caught me outside and wanted to talk. She demanded I come get the rest of my things, but refused to let my friend come in with me. She started saying what she did wasn't that bad. That I had done worse in attempting to rape her. My friend and his wife begged me to go to the police. I did. A month later they finally brought her in for questioning. We were both advised not to talk on social media, and not to approach each other in person. Ever since I keep getting waves of guilt for going to the police. Other moments I find myself regretting having left at all. I find myself looking back, wondering if she did love me? Did her tale of love at first sight, was it true? If so why did she cheat on me and then dump me for 4 months, for an online relationship? Why did she hit me two separate times? Why did she hurt me? Almost 5 years I gave her, was I a bad boyfriend? Was it my fault? Did I give up? Was I just with her because I was afraid of being alone? Or were those solely her thoughts and she kept hurling those words and thoughts onto me? I never said I was just with her, I always telling her how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. Our last Valentine's Day I wrote her a huge letter on how much I loved her, and no matter what I want her and that despite all the shit from last year, I wanted to make us work. She read it, scoffed at me and told me it was not endearing, or cute or romantic, but it was sad and pathetic. This last thing is what sticks romantically, and last week I looked through the cards she had given me over the years and I watched the progress of that love diminish from her. She use to write long notes and letters and then she just started writing a few lines and is signing it. Now I'm out, due to get my own place soon. And all I can think now is: Did I do the right thing? Everyone says yes. Was going to the police the right thing? Everyone says yes, it was for my own protection. And yet all I can feel is compassion for her. For the guy who she cheated on me with and dumped me for: I understand, because that's how she and I came together. And now all I want is just to tell her "I forgive you."

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