So, I got out...

@MoonBeast

I'm deeply moved by your story and can I just tell you how much I appreciate that you reached out to us? It must have been difficult for you to open up and I can't even imagine how much you had to put up with to have gone through that situation!

But after reading your post, it feels like what you had with her, was a toxic relationship. I think it's okay to feel compassionate for her after all that drama ended. I also think you feel this way now due to the connection you may have had in the early days with her, before she became distant about her feelings, cheated on you and abused you. And trust me, true love never fades. And you do NOT get hit by your true love.

I'm glad to learn you left and are now working toward a healthy, happy change. I hope you continue on this new journey of rediscovering yourself. Opportunities are endless.

@MoonBeast

you have a very kind heart and a great personality. I appreciate all things in you. You tried your best to make that relationship work . It's not your fault and you did nothing wrong. Actually seems like that relationship wasn't healthy for you. You forgive her and that's a great progress for you. I'm really glad to hear you have such ability to forgive. I really hope all beautiful things for you because you deserve that.

@Saraf Thank you so much for your kind words and beautiful insight. I have had a few days of these feelings. But I have had a great talk with my friends and having shared it here, I have found a balance in my mind and heart. I have started to stop associating her as my soul mate, true love and who I wanted to be the Mother of my children. As I realized that these thoughts were keeping me in this perpetual state of guilt and want. And yes, it was so unhealthy and toxic for me. I took a good look at my face this afternoon and saw how much stress has poured off.

@SunFlower700 Again , thank you for your beautiful words and support. I'm healing, growing I just need to keep reminding my self I didn't do anything wrong. And that now I know what I can do, how I can love and that one day, I will find that girl, and it's going to be awesome, because I know how not to be loved, treated and used. And by being the best me, I will find the beet girl for me. :)

@MoonBeast

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well, there's a few things I would like to point out;

I don't know how many know or may remember me, but in April, I started using 7 Cups of Tea.

I was in a abusive relationship that had remained abusive on an emotional, verbal and financial level, and in April she escalated into physical abuse. (I could only imagine the amount of hurt and pain you went throughout this relationship. This kind of people tend to become fearful, angry on an effort to control and manipulate you. You definetly didn't deserve this kind of treatment)

I stayed even after breaking up with her. I went to the couch by my own choice. (There could be some sort of reason why you stayed with her that it stopped you from leaving her)

My saving grace, was meeting a couple on a online game. With their support and checking up on me, I made the choice to leave. (Thats a great support you have here, I'm glad they were able to help you throughout this) June 7th, two days after her 22nd birthday. Another friend offered to take me away. He arrived, we took as much as we could for the time being.

The following Tuesday, she caught me outside and wanted to talk. She demanded I come get the rest of my things, but refused to let my friend come in with me. (She lost emotional self control here, in here she is acting rude and disrespectful). She started saying what she did wasn't that bad. (She is distorting reality here, minimzing your feelings and what you went through with her, this communicates that she has deep attahcment issues) That I had done worse in attempting to rape her. (I'm not sure if you did this or not, but if you didn't then she is distoring reality here as well, putting all of the blame on you to excuse her behaviors towards you).

My friend and his wife begged me to go to the police.

I did.(This is great!!)

A month later they finally brought her in for questioning.(Finally, its unfortunate that it took such a long time for them to do this) We were both advised not to talk on social media, and not to approach each other in person. (I agree with this approach, its best to stay away from someone like her, they are nothing but trouble and drama).

Ever since I keep getting waves of guilt for going to the police. (You shouldn't, you did the right things. Her hitting you its more than enough to press charges on her)

Other moments I find myself regretting having left at all. I find myself looking back, wondering if she did love me? (She has very deep issues, attachment trauma, emotional issues, so more than likely this kind of people will hurt you, they are not ready to be on relationship because they have not work on those issues.) Did her tale of love at first sight, was it true? (I don't think she knows what love is...). If so why did she cheat on me and then dump me for 4 months, for an online relationship? (Women like this are very fearful and dishonest, when things are not going well on their relationship they tend to look for other guys when future is in doubt, also for her cheating is normal, its what she grew up seeing from some people). Why did she hit me two separate times? Why did she hurt me? (She hit you because she doesn't have emotional self control, for her solving things is through hitting someone, disagreements, fighting, being awful to one another.

Almost 5 years I gave her, was I a bad boyfriend? Was it my fault? Did I give up? Was I just with her because I was afraid of being alone? (I don't think you were a bad boyfriend, the problem is that you stayed on an abusive and toxic relationship out of fear of being alone so it made you put up with her behavior. Women like this tend to abusive at small doses, so if you don't stand up for yourself then they will continue to be more abusive, if you don't stand up again then they will get even more direct and bolder. If they get abusive this way then its best to leave because they will make the relationship toxic and unhealthy. Theres a chance someone was like this to you growing up so you became attracted to this kind of behavior, and relationship like this probably felt normal to you). Or were those solely her thoughts and she kept hurling those words and thoughts onto me? I never said I was just with her, I always telling her how beautiful she was and how much I loved her. (You got to be careful with overdoing this because it might have negative effects, but if you gave her too much and she wasn't recprocating what you gave then its going to make her be even more rude and disrespectful.) Our last Valentine's Day I wrote her a huge letter on how much I loved her, and no matter what I want her and that despite all the shit from last year, (I get the feeling you did to gain closeness from her, if you do these nice and sweet things while she was rude and disrespectful to you then its going to enable her behavior, it'll make her think like "Hey im very rude and disrespectful to him, and then he does all of this sweet things for me. Why should i change for him?). I wanted to make us work. She read it, scoffed at me and told me it was not endearing, or cute or romantic, but it was sad and pathetic. (That's very rude and disrespectful of her)

This last thing is what sticks romantically, and last week I looked through the cards she had given me over the years and I watched the progress of that love diminish from her. (A lot of women would become cold, distant, rude when they feel that they can have their way with their partners such as insulting and disrespecting them, this causes them to lose attraction for their partners, they back away, and stop doing those lovely things, they lose interest in intimacy. What happens here is that they no longer trust the strength of their partner, so it makes them feel like "If he can't stand up against me, then how can he protect me from any danger?) She use to write long notes and letters and then she just started writing a few lines and is signing it. (I think here that her attraction started to lower bit by bit).

Now I'm out, due to get my own place soon. And all I can think now is: Did I do the right thing? Everyone says yes. Was going to the police the right thing? Everyone says yes, it was for my own protection. (You did the right things by walking away from her, a person should never allow abusive, direspectful behavior from anyone, not even physical abuse).

And yet all I can feel is compassion for her. For the guy who she cheated on me with and dumped me for: I understand, because that's how she and I came together. And now all I want is just to tell her "I forgive you." (You should avoid all contact with her no matter what)

@MoonBeast

Thank you for sharing your story with us :)

I'm glad it seems like your memory of her has remained in the happy memories of you guys, and it should stay that way. You've finally left that relationship, and it must have been really hard. Maybe after both of you have moved on and time has healed everything, you can tell her that you forgive her <3