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Moonchild8922
1 65 M Embraced
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2026 Member sinceApril 19, 2026
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Feeling stuck at 23: Lost in a loop of guilt and freezing.
Depression Support / by Moonchild8922
Last post
 April 20th
...See more I'm writing this because I don’t know who else to talk to. I’m not good with words, so please bear with me. For the last two years, I’ve been struggling deeply. I used to be very ambitious and hardworking, but now at 23, I feel like I’m wasting my life and my time with my own hands. I’m stuck in an endless loop: I eat, sleep, and watch YouTube videos all day. I have finished my higher studies and I’m supposed to be preparing for career-qualifying exams, but every time I look at my books, I freeze. I’ve started to feel like I’m losing all my basic knowledge—even simple math—and the idea of starting from zero feels impossible. My conscience tells me to move, but I just can't act on it. It’s not that I do nothing—I still bathe, wash my clothes, and clean my dishes—but those small tasks take all the energy I have. Lately, I have developed a deep fear around communication. Whenever someone calls me—even a close friend—I get terrified and ignore the phone. Even with texting, my mind goes completely blank and I don’t know what to say. I want to open up, but I’m paralyzed by my own insecurities. I feel like I have no real skills, and I’ve never seen myself as academically intelligent. I also struggle with how I look—I feel like I don't have a good physique or appearance, and it makes me want to hide even more. My family and relatives think that being 'street smart' and socializing with others is the only way to survive in this society. Because I am an introvert with high social anxiety, they have become very disappointed in me. They do care for me and they supported me through my higher studies, but now that I'm doing nothing, I feel their utter disappointment every day. I feel like a burden. I have zero self-esteem and I feel like I have nothing to contribute to society. I’ve had thoughts that it would be better if I just vanished. Suicidal thoughts cross my mind often, but I have never acted on them because I am too scared, and I feel too 'lazy' or drained to even do that. I often find myself praying just to vanish naturally or to be made invisible so I don't have to exist like this anymore. I feel like my existence is worthless, like I’m just an example of a life without purpose. All I ever wanted was a peaceful life where I could take care of my parents and help others. Now, those dreams feel like impossible daydreams. I’m just so exhausted. If you read all of this, thank you for your patience and for listening to my ramblings.
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