NewJay47 Member Profile

...See more Hello Everyone! My name is Jay. I'm in a relationship with a girl named Lucy. She and I have been together for 2 years and 3 months. In the beginning, I treated her very badly. I was involved in other relationships and made her wait a year before dating me. I was afraid of hurting her with my inability to settle, but I was mostly still in a childish state of mind, believing that I needed to check out more fish that were in the sea. She witnessed as I began to get hurt by each and every girl I took the time to date. When she finally did get a chance to be with me, I cheated on her with an ex that cheated on me. I wasn't completely free of my bad relationship habits. I told her things such as "I don't deserve you, I need to be alone. I don't think this can work." In the moment I truly felt this way, but we stayed together nonetheless. As the relationship progressed, her past pains began to rise. I started having to deal with the backlash of a physically abusive relationship she had dealt with just months prior to us dating. When she didn't get her way, she would get angry and become very condescending. The condescending remarks made me grow very angry with her and do the same thing back. I always threatened to leave out of her house because "I didn't have to deal with any of this." She would try to hold on to me physically to make sure I didn't leave, and there were moments where I actually punched her to make her let me go. I never left. I would apologize and she would forgive me. This is the same process that happened in her previous relationship. The condescension between the both of us began to grow worse. I began to surrender more control, not expressing the things I want to truly say to her to the fullest. She began to withdraw certain statements for fear that I would overreact and turn into the monster that used to beat on her. I make claims to her that I have changed and I don't get that angry anymore, but we dive headfirst into arguments and I lose emotional control and continue to be condescending. I use the silent treatment and give her very intimidating stares as methods to reclaim some false sense of power. This current day, she is basically the boss. I willingly allow her to control the finances and she makes alot of the calls towards progressing forward. Am I wrong for doing this? Is this going against what a man would normally do? Has emotional abuse cause my wife and I to switch roles? And most importantly -- Can I save this relationship that I want to be in so badly ? I'm not proud of any of my actions. I'm very ashamed and hurt that I would make someone that I love have to experience something like this again. I'm only seeking help..

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