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NewToteBag
1,620 M Little Steps 6
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2024 Member sinceOctober 4, 2015
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Is this a redflag in my relationship?
Relationship Stress / by NewToteBag
Last post
 July 3rd, 2024
...See more I'm struggling with some hurtful patterns in my relationship, and I'm hoping to get advice on how to handle it. Here are some specific examples: * My girlfriend texted a close friend that she'd date her if she were single. * Then couple weeks later, she lied about working on the weekend so she could spend time with this friend while I was sick at home. * Currently, they're working on a secret project together for 12 hours a day, which she never told me about. She claims her work is confidential and I cannot visit, but she's allowed to have this friend in the office. When I told her these actions upset me and make me feel insecure, she replied with: * "It's just your feeling" * "I was joking when saying that" * "I didn't mean any harm" * "Why didn't you tell me when it happens?" - She was in a bad place at work at that time, so telling her would only add to the problem. That's why I chose to stay silence to see if she improved. * "I was angry that you didn't contribute to the project so I only wanted to work with the other girl on the weekend" - At that project, I was lost direction and didn't know what to do. The two of them worked on it alone, ignoring me whenever we have lunch together. My girlfriend at that time did not once as me how I felt or what made my performance at work drop. Other Concerning Things: * At Work: She shows stubborn behavior with junior employees, having unrealistic expectations and then getting upset when they can't meet them. This leads to high turnover. * Conflict Style: She cuts off communication abruptly when upset instead of addressing issues. Later, she acts like nothing happened when she needs something from that person. * Beliefs: She has a fixed idea that all-women teams are superior. About Her Past and Our Relationship: * Dating History: Before me, she had frequent, short girlfriendships (7-8 in 3-4 years, none lasting more than a year). She even had a list of girls she wanted to date, with me at the top. * Lack of Interest: After 2 years together, she still doesn't know basic things about me like my food preferences or shoe size. * Changing Idols: She constantly changes who she admires (6 different women in 2 years!), displaying photos of them everywhere, her desk, her locker, her phone background, instead of photos of me. * No Intimacy: Our sex life has completely vanished. When I asked, she said she doesn't like how I moan or her own appearance (she thinks she's fat which I repeatedly tell her she's not). I'm feeling hurt, insecure, and unsure how to proceed in this relationship. Has anyone else experienced something similar? Is there a healthy way to address these issues, or is this a sign I should leave?
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