Nilah Member Profile

...See more We are/have been together for 2,5 years (and are/were an intercultural couple). We met abroad and spent 4 beautiful and intense months together, after which we decided to try a long-distance relationship. So after 6 months of LD relationship (which was pretty hard for both us), we decided that we want to live together and I had an opportunity to study in his country, so I went there. It's important to mention that during 6 months of LD relationship some of his behavior started to waken up my insecurities, but I never had any evidence and confirmation from his side and he was telling me he is clumsy and everything will be different when I come. Not long after my arrival in his country, my suspicions were still active so I checked his Fb and saw messages to some girls, inviting them for drinks etc. We had a first major crisis and my possessiveness slowly started to develop, and due to me questioning his behavior, he started to show first signs of aggressivity (hitting the walls). But the time went on, and mix of happy & sad moments exchanged, until he went for a weekend trip with his friends. After that, I noticed some changes in his behavior but again - didn't have evidence. My fears and insecurities reached a new level, and I started questioning him even more, making drama after I would seen him talking with a girl (accusing him of flirting, etc.). During that period it was the first time he slapped me. Six months after his weekend-trip, I pushed him to tell me the truth and he admitted he cheated on me, and claimed he was too embarassed to tell me before. He begged me to give him another chance as he loves me, and he would never repeat that. I took some time and decided to give it another try, finally it is the first person I have loved so intensely in a romantic way. After the initial hard effort from his side, he started using his old pattern of behavior, and so did I with my possessive questioning of his intentions, way of thinking, etc. During one fight (which happened when we were pretty drunk), he hit me multiple times and hit my head to the wall. In what I believe is self-defense, I spilled hot soup (which he was eating after hitting me) on him. And even after that, we decided to "fight for our love". And things went on, happy/drama/sad moments were exchanging, but we promised each other to make an effort and work things out. Last Tuesday I again had some fear-related questions, which made him burts-out in anger and yelling at me that "he is a man, an assehole, who cannot control himself from wanting to sleep with other women, but that is stays only on fantasies and he already told me he would never cheat on me again". In addition, he slapped me and at first didn't want to apologise because it was not hard. So we again went over it and had few happy days, until Friday. We were going on a party and I caught him in a lie, making him getting angry again, as he started claiming that I am inventing something I know he told me. He stopped the taxi and we were on the street, him ignoring me so I had a childish reaction where I took his bag and started crossing the street and dropping his bag on the middle of road. That made him go crazy and he knocked me on the floor, and soon we were fighting over bag and he was beating me. After he was done, he walked away and went to the party while I went home. We crossed each other when I was leaving for work in the morning, and according to a friend he tried to contact me but as I have blocked his calls/messages and Fb profile, "he couldn't reach me". I went to a friends place and slept there, and our first communication was today, when I asked him to go to sleep at friends place as I needed to go to the apt. So he did, and he sounded pretty desperate/sad over the phone but didn't ask to meet me or apologized. My question is: are we both completely messed up, non-functional individuals? Am I stupid for even thinking about maybe getting back again with him and trying to work on both of ourselves? Does and could this relationship even have any kind of a future? + Additionally: I have a fear of abandonment due to my father cheating and leaving my mother, and I am oversensitive when it comes to lying and breaking promises as my father has been doing it since the divorce. My boyfriend has a controlling, overly-sensitive, over-carrying mother and is the only child in his family who has been trying to detach from it. Is it possible we have found each other due to a pathology (him being my father, me being his mother), and it could be resolved through our relationship? I apologize for a long post & would be grateful if someone could help me clean-up my mind a bit.

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

Firstly congratulate yourself on reaching out for support! This is such an...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio