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NostalgicKris
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PathStep 7 Compassion hearts20 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2021 Member sinceJuly 31, 2018
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My history with anxiety and why I don't think I can be fixed
Anxiety Support / by NostalgicKris
Last post
 December 15th, 2019
...See more I'll start off with a positive story Up through 7th grade, I had one friend who I counted on a lot. His name was Joey, we used to spend so much time together. He was a popular kid, and I was a weird kid. He was friends with everyone, and I had friends who put up with me. But Joey and I were best friends. in 2nd semester of 7th grade, he moved away. Middle school had slowly made some distance between us as I found more friends, and matured, and he found people he clicked with. But still, Joey leaving left me feeling alone. In December of 8th grade, my brother introduced me to a group of his friends and we absolutely hit it off. We loved the same music and the same sports and the same hobbies, etc etc. But for as long as I could remember, people only put up with me. So I just kinda assumed they did too. I made a facebook post saying "That feel when you find a new group of friends you click with, but you feel like you get on their nerves a bit too much". It was just an expression and I forgot that I had one of them added as a friend. That next morning, one of those friends pulled me aside and said "hey was that post about us?" and I said "yeah." and he said "You don't get on anyones nerves here. You're welcome, and we like having you around." What he said was so touching that I still tear up a little thinking about it. That was when I started to learn about anxiety. As soon as I started reading about it, I knew it was my situation. But I also read that "everybody has anxiety around that age". But that didn't really solve any of my problems, I still felt anxiety no matter if it was "normal" or not. I moved schools in 9th grade, and then in 10th grade my anxiety had gotten so awful. I had 3 real friends, and one was a teacher. I assumed everyone hated me and as a result I became very defensive. It wasn't until the last week of senior year that I had learned the tearm "generalised anxiety" and I learned that actually a lot of people have anxiety even still! My main problem with learning about anxiety was that I never found any "accepted" solutions to be true no matter how much effort I put into them. People say "let go of your worries" but it doesn't change the fact that the things I'm worried about are still true and still real. Forgetting or ignoring my anxieties doesn't change the sources of them. I've tried taking care of the sources but sometimes that just makes it worse. I'm not opposed to slaying my dragons, but speration doesn't work, hard work doesn't kill the anxiety, and ignoring my worries doesn't actually solve anything. So that's my story. I don't mean to sound rude when I say I've probably heard your advice before, but I'm still willing to listen to anyone's perspectives!
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