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OLDGLOBE
925 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts40 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2021 Member sinceJuly 21, 2015
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Depression Support / by OLDGLOBE
Last post
 April 1st, 2019
...See more This is my first post an last. Feeling extra bitter today. Words of 'kindness' don't mean much to me. Very little weight. An I've never found talking ever got me anywhere; just end up talking in circles with no resolve. Only thing I have found true is that it doesn't get better for everyone. I've been waiting for two decades for things to "get better". I've been through strings an overloads of medication. I've been through multiple therapists. Groups therapy. Two inpatient stays. Job changes and moving to new locations. Actually picking good people to surround myself with. All for nothing. Nothing has changed. I feel the same as I did the first time I self harmed an tried to end it all at nine years old. Everyday I think about ending it. I still have this burning an suffocating pain of having to be alive because anything less would be 'selfish'. So now I get to be a martyr for people who don't even comprehend what I am going through. 'Cause that's exactly what I want to add to already this miserable existence. There us nothing in life I have found that I want or desire. I don't want love or family of my own. I don't care about keeping friends any longer, it's become too much of a hassle. I don't care to travel or see the seven wonders or even the next town over. This world is grey an dull an I suppose from your view I am a reflection of that: grey an dull. Lifeless. The only thing I look forward to is that day it all stops. I am ready to burn.
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