Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
OctopiAreWeird
1,007 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts46 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceMay 24, 2023
Bio
Recent forum posts
OctopiAreWeird profile picture
I'm so sorry Axel
Poetry / by OctopiAreWeird
Last post
 June 24th, 2023
...See more I'm so sorry Axel I hope you're feeling better It's okay not to be here I don't mind your depression It was never our fault
OctopiAreWeird profile picture
TW: idk what it is but probs avoid
Poetry / by OctopiAreWeird
Last post
 June 2nd, 2023
...See more I wish I could see myself in the mirror Sometimes I feel like I'm a vampire It's strange, I know, but I don't feel real Life's a bad VR game, I need to see an optometrist 'Cause my vision gets blurry and life's far away Feels like I'm floating, my demons taking me back to a place When I wake up I just forget I have bad memory Why? Sometimes I don't even know my name Can't even remember what I'm thinking, yet alone writing Dad said he found some notes I explicitly said not to write I feel like there's something I should know but it's too far away Sometimes I wonder if I'm in a coma Lying in a hospital bed, possibly dying I think that might be better than this life I never asked for this I can't move or do anything I want to anymore Why can I never make sense? Wonder if its just a brain tumour Or maybe my childhood was worse than it seems I'm scared I'm scared I'm scared They're outside my door, talking, living, leaving me here Their monsters, with human eyes They're always watching I have to be parent and child and therapist all at the same time Going back in time, too young for this, why do I have a little one? Lock my memories in my box, give it to her, let her keep it locked I hate this world, I just want to leave Even though I know it's not real and none of this ever happened to me It feels real Sometimes i think I deserve this. I couldn't protect her Couldn't save her, and now she's always crying I'm be a terrible parent, but yet I'm always my own child Adult, teenager, little one? I don't know who I am I don't think this is normal. I don't feel right I'm not okay I'm so scared So scared Always scared Why are they here? Haven't they done so much already? Please leave me alone I think I'm an orphan, because I don't have parents Haven't had them for a while They're just walking husks of issues and somehow I'm supposed to be the solution So I just put it in the box, and forget And now I can't remember anything Not even my name Not why I'm scared Sometimes I think I'm broken Shattered into pieces I don't feel like they do They don't have storms and barriers and hidden cities in their heads They don't have voices or people Sometimes I just have to curl up and hold her tight, which is hard because she is me Tell her it's alright, I love her, even if nobody else Cares about any of us He gets depressed, someone wants to die and I'm just left with screaming children inside my mind Who am I? And why Can I never eat properly I'm not anorexic or bulimic, i just can't eat It's like everyone knows the answers except me But I know we're all equally confused. I've been losing times Listening to the same song for 2 hours and still feeling like I've never heard it before Unable to tell who, what or where Home or here? Do I have a home? Did they leave us here alone? I don't want to be alone I want to cry But then they'll come And they hurt me inside So I let her cry with me Why am i never just Axel? Why must I be myself? Why do I never feel comfortable I've tried all our names But they're still not mine Why is my brain such a mess? Such an organised mess Sometimes things seem so real even though i know they're not I've been looking for my parents They're not here Who took them? My dream was right, everything around my has become a monster It's been years and I'm still scared Can't hear gunshots because my mom gets scared Can't talk anymore Just nod and smile And agree The more i argue the worse it gets My father doesn't want me And my mother doesn't think I'm human i don't think I'm human What else am i supposed to believe? I wish I could just lie here and take it and be good I wish I couldn't feel Why am I not allowed to think? I don't think I can anymore And sometimes I think I'm dead and this is *** But I don't know what I did to be here I was a good girl, christian, said my prayers every night Tried to take it Why am I so weak? Is it because I'm a filthy liar? Even though I can't control what he says And my body doesn't belong to me Maybe I was supposed to fight harder Maybe I shouldn't complain anymore. She might be right I'm normal I'm normal I'm normal
Search more from @OctopiAreWeird
Talk to an expert therapist
I am a Licensed Professional Counselor. I have over 12 years of experience...
Talk to Ashley Now
Badges & Awards
11 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Quintet Super Active Chief Chat Strong Start First Post Reaching out First Compassion Teammate Strong Bond I
Report an issue