TW: idk what it is but probs avoid

I wish I could see myself in the mirror

Sometimes I feel like I'm a vampire

It's strange, I know, but I don't feel real

Life's a bad VR game, I need to see an optometrist

'Cause my vision gets blurry and life's far away

Feels like I'm floating, my demons taking me back to a place

When I wake up I just forget

I have bad memory

Why?

Sometimes I don't even know my name

Can't even remember what I'm thinking, yet alone writing

Dad said he found some notes I explicitly said not to write

I feel like there's something I should know but it's too far away

Sometimes I wonder if I'm in a coma

Lying in a hospital bed, possibly dying

I think that might be better than this life I never asked for this

I can't move or do anything I want to anymore

Why can I never make sense?

Wonder if its just a brain tumour

Or maybe my childhood was worse than it seems

I'm scared

I'm scared

I'm scared

They're outside my door, talking, living, leaving me here

Their monsters, with human eyes

They're always watching I have to be parent and child and therapist all at the same time

Going back in time, too young for this, why do I have a little one?

Lock my memories in my box, give it to her, let her keep it locked

I hate this world, I just want to leave

Even though I know it's not real and none of this ever happened to me

It feels real

Sometimes i think I deserve this. I couldn't protect her

Couldn't save her, and now she's always crying

I'm be a terrible parent, but yet I'm always my own child

Adult, teenager, little one? I don't know who I am

I don't think this is normal. I don't feel right

I'm not okay

I'm so scared

So scared

Always scared

Why are they here?

Haven't they done so much already?

Please leave me alone

I think I'm an orphan, because I don't have parents

Haven't had them for a while

They're just walking husks of issues and somehow I'm supposed to be the solution

So I just put it in the box, and forget

And now I can't remember anything

Not even my name

Not why I'm scared

Sometimes I think I'm broken

Shattered into pieces

I don't feel like they do

They don't have storms and barriers and hidden cities in their heads

They don't have voices or people

Sometimes I just have to curl up and hold her tight, which is hard because she is me

Tell her it's alright, I love her, even if nobody else

Cares about any of us

He gets depressed, someone wants to die and I'm just left with screaming children inside my mind

Who am I?

And why

Can I never eat properly

I'm not anorexic or bulimic, i just can't eat

It's like everyone knows the answers except me

But I know we're all equally confused. I've been losing times

Listening to the same song for 2 hours and still feeling like I've never heard it before

Unable to tell who, what or where

Home or here? Do I have a home?

Did they leave us here alone?

I don't want to be alone

I want to cry

But then they'll come

And they hurt me inside

So I let her cry with me

Why am i never just Axel?

Why must I be myself?

Why do I never feel comfortable

I've tried all our names

But they're still not mine

Why is my brain such a mess? Such an organised mess

Sometimes things seem so real even though i know they're not

I've been looking for my parents

They're not here

Who took them?

My dream was right, everything around my has become a monster

It's been years and I'm still scared

Can't hear gunshots because my mom gets scared

Can't talk anymore

Just nod and smile

And agree

The more i argue the worse it gets

My father doesn't want me

And my mother doesn't think I'm human

i don't think I'm human

What else am i supposed to believe?

I wish I could just lie here and take it and be good

I wish I couldn't feel

Why am I not allowed to think?

I don't think I can anymore

And sometimes I think I'm dead and this is ***

But I don't know what I did to be here

I was a good girl, christian, said my prayers every night

Tried to take it

Why am I so weak?

Is it because I'm a filthy liar?

Even though I can't control what he says

And my body doesn't belong to me

Maybe I was supposed to fight harder

Maybe I shouldn't complain anymore.

She might be right

I'm normal

I'm normal

I'm normal