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Ohgodwhy
855 M Little Steps 1
PathStep 320 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2023 Member sinceOctober 25, 2015
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Maybe I just need to speak out
Eating Disorder Support / by Ohgodwhy
Last post
 September 18th, 2017
...See more I don't know why I'm writing it, probably i would not even be able to response because of anxiety, but I guess I need to speak out here to not relapse completley. (also English is my second language so sorry for mistakes) I suffered from bulimia from age 14-15 till 19-20, I've always been chubby kid (though now when I look back to my childhool photos I just see a normal kid, but everyone told me that I am fat), and been pushed to lose weight since I can remember myself. Also my mother struggle with bulimia as long as I can remember her too. When I recovered completley my weight was pretty normal and comfortable. But last two years my anxiety developed and depression relapsed, also I was diagnosed Hypothyroidism for some reason and had to take antidepressants and hormonal treatment, and in pair with compulsive overeating because of stress I gained weight again, more than ever in my life. I tried "healthy eating" and exercising for some time, and hadn't lost a bit. Because of that I asked my therapist to take me off from my meds ans conciously skipped my hormones intakes. Of cousre it was a bad idea and made everything worse. Now I'm loosing some hair because of skipped hormones, had depression but afraid to take meds because of my weight, but some last drops are what my family and friends are telling me almost every day what I am fat and what I need to lose weight, what I don't need to eat and when I try to reminnd them that the recovery was really hard and painful for me, I was told "wow that was a long time ago, I can't even remember you this way, so now you just fat and need to lose weight :)". This last part happened today and I can't stop thinking about it, can't stop thinking about purging again (it lasts for a couple of month already) and I feel what I really close to just give up everything. Thank you if you could make it till the end of my story.
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