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OlivKenneth
1 100 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2021 Member sinceOctober 7, 2021
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Was my fault?
Depression Support / by OlivKenneth
Last post
 November 2nd, 2021
...See more I was not the brightest kid out there and school was a though place for me growing up since i always fall behind academically. Everyone made sure to let me know how stupid i was, students and teachers. The other kids would laugh at me when i can't answer a question at school and the teacher would get mad and would sometimes yell at me when i'm not performing well at the subjects. It also helps that i can't fight back or told anyone. 3rd grade was the worst for me. I had a very abusive teacher who would openly made fun of me in front of the whole class and he also phisically punish me by hitting me with a book. I had a hard time making friends that year because my classmates thought i was freak. When i was 11 i was sexually harrassed by an older man. A family friend who i thaught i could trust and i could still feel his hands touching me to this day. Middle school is when things started to really fall apart for me. I barely have any friends, i was always bullied, and people were only nice to me when they want something from me. It really sucked. I'm in college right now but i still thought of these memories alot and wondering, is this meant to happend to me and was it my fault? I should have been stronger, i should have say no, i should have been smarter, all of this is my fault for being a stupid kid. I blame myself for all the horrible things people do to me because i'm too weak to fight back. This is all my fault and i deserve it. I just wish i could be stronger for myself. I always feel the need to apologize to myself but i can't accept my own apology because deep down i feel like i deserve all the horrible things i got.
OlivKenneth profile picture
Was it my fault?
Depression Support / by OlivKenneth
Last post
 November 1st, 2021
...See more I was not the brightest kid out there and school was a though place for me growing up since i always fall behind academically. Everyone made sure to let me know how stupid i was, students and teachers. The other kids would laugh at me when i can't answer a question at school and the teacher would get mad and would sometimes yell at me when i'm not performing well at the subjects. It also helps that i can't fight back or told anyone. 3rd grade was the worst for me. I had a very abusive teacher who would openly made fun of me in front of the whole class and he also phisically punish me by hitting me with a book. I had a hard time making friends that year because my classmates thought i was freak. When i was 11 i was sexually harrassed by an older man. A family friend who i thaught i could trust and i could still feel his hands touching me to this day. Middle school is when things started to really fall apart for me. I barely have any friends, i was always bullied, and people were only nice to me when they want something from me. It really sucked. I'm in college right now but i still thought of these memories alot and wondering, is this meant to happend to me and was it my fault? I should have been stronger, i should have say no, i should have been smarter, all of this is my fault for being a stupid kid. I blame myself for all the horrible things people do to me because i'm too weak to fight back. This is all my fault and i deserve it. I just wish i could be stronger for myself. I always feel the need to apologize to myself but i can't accept my own apology because deep down i feel like i deserve all the horrible things i got.
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