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OrangeWarrior
4,952 M Seeking Light 7
PathStep 694 Compassion hearts206 Forum posts225 Forum upvotes247 Current upvotes247 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2018 Member sinceFebruary 4, 2017
Bio

Genderqueer bisexual with an ongoing history of mental health issues. Haven't self-harmed since late 2014. Fighting every day to be healthier and happier.

Recent forum posts
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I think I have anorexia nervosa but I am in denial (mild CW)
Eating Disorder Support / by OrangeWarrior
Last post
 October 4th, 2018
...See more I hope this is the right place ot post this. For the longest time, I've had poor self-esteem and body image and a rather unhealthy relationship to food. This is where the riggering content starts. I'll signal where it ends, as well, so you can skip it.. (Start of CWs) (CW: light discussion of unhealthy eating) As I child, I simply overate. I ate for all the wrong reasons. By the time I was 13-4 and for reasons I won't discuss here, I realized that I was overeating and started to reeducate myself to eat based on hunger and fullness cues. (CW: discussion of weight, size-shaming, weight changes, size; light discussion of unhealthy behaviors) I have been fat-shamed for the longest time because, indeed, I was overweight for most of my childhood and early teens. I consider myself fat - that I have always been fat and that it is my body's natural tendency to stay so. And I learnt early on that being fat was bad, to put it briefly. About four years ago an unrelated visit to the doctor made me realize just how much I weighed, and I decided to lower that number. I engaged in what I acknowledge were unhealthy behaviors (which I won't discuss so as not to trigger anyone). Those were dark times - emotionally, I was in a terrible place. Now I weigh much less than then and people everywhere tell me so, but I still myself fat. I have come to a point when I want to be as thin as possible. And all this time I have spent in the same denial I am deep in right now. Today has been the straw that broke the camel's back. (CW: dicussion of unhealthy behaviors, hunger and unwellness symptoms) I acknowledge I have been undereating for some time now. Today I underate for lunch - nothign new. But today my body seems to have finally decided to pay me back. Even as I was having lunch, I felt very hungry - nothing new, since it has become my normal to be hungry and to think of food for much of the day,. All this time, I have thought it was an attitude problem. While having lunch I started feeeling unwell: dizzy and with a bit of a headache. After a while resting (which I thought would take the symptoms away but only weakened them), I took my pulse and blood pressure. My blood pressure was normal, my pulse was lower than 60. I googled to find out why that could be happening, and after a while I realized I showed a handful of symptoms of something as simple as low blood sugar. And many of those symptoms I have had multiple times in the last months. (CW: negative self-talk) And there is a part of me who says I am making it all up, that I am feeling unwell because I want to. (End of CWs) So, in brief, my body wants food, but I simply can't bring myself to eat. And so the realization has hit me: I think I have anorexia nervosa. I know I should make an appointment with a therapist. I know I should eat. But I can't bring myself to do either of them. I don't know what exactly I am asking for in posting this. But I felt I needed to do it. Thanks for reading, everyone. If you are struggling, know you are not alone.
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Productive language problems - caused by mental illness?
Depression Support / by OrangeWarrior
Last post
 April 30th, 2017
...See more Hi, everyone. I've been experiencing something strange lately and I wanted to ask you your opinion. Lately, when my mental health worsens, it becomes harder for me to use English productively. I can listen to or read something in English and I understand it as normally, but I struggle to write or speak. Right now, I'm struggling to write these sentences. It's as if my level of English had dropped along with my state of mental health. This had never happened before, not even at my lowest points in the past. Even if the final version I post seems perfectly normal, it has taken me way more time than it would normally. You have no idea how many times I've erased entire sentences I had just written, paused to structure the rest of the sentence I was writing, or had to correct weird typos. I haven't hurt my head recently, so physical brain damage isn't the cause of this. I should note that I'm not a native English speaker, although normally I'm fluent at a C1 level (at college we sit language exams following the CEFR and they tell us what level they are). It's taken me lots of effort to reach out to you. I have wanted to do some other times, but I have never dared. Do you have any thoughts on what is happening to me? Has it ever happened to you? Do you have any ideas on what I could do? Even if you cannot answer any of those questions, it will be enough for me to know you've read this, that I am not alone. Thank you for reading.
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How to change a specific thing in my account
Site Updates / by OrangeWarrior
Last post
 February 27th, 2017
...See more On the day I created my account here on 7Cups, I had had a chat with a Listener. Before the chat began, I was offered some to choose the issue which worried me, and I clicked on "Relationship Stress". Whenever I take an Emotional Wellness Test, I get questions on "Relatinship Stress", so it seems as if it is in the settings of my account. My question is - how can I change that? I have looked through the settings but I can't find it. Relationships were what worried me at the moment I chatted with the Listener, but I struggle with more issues. And with some luck, some day relationships will not worry me as much as they do currently. Can any of you help me with this technical issue? Thank you everyone for reading.
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