P00K1E Member Profile

...See more Hi all, I am Jas/Jaz (18, soon 19, F) I struggle with making friends, and the ones I do make always end up misusing me or using my past against me. I've had a friend I made in year 9, we instantly became close, best friends. Then I started dating my current boyfriend. I was shy and I would ask her to tag along and she did (not 3rd wheeling, he was the one who would end up 3rd wheeling, that's how shy I was). She then started dating his friend and I found out because I was friends with the guy before she dated him. I didn't make a scene, I waited for her to tell me, and she only did after I caught them together at school. (I was running late and she thought I wasn't coming). I felt bad because we're supposed to be best friends. Anyway, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss, and I practically ran home to tell her. She seemed excited but it died really fast. A month later I travelled to a neighbouring town for netball, and I met a girl there, she was sweet, and we also clicked but she already had a best friend and so did I. I came back, we all met up, bff and bf, and I was talking about my trip and as soon as I mentioned this girl, she flips out and ever since then I could not talk to anyone but her and my bf, not even friends before her. At first, I thought it was chill, but my boyfriend told me to end the friendship because I'd get hurt, I did not listen. Then I was at fault for everything. She had a fight with her guy? I was to blame. She cheated? I was to blame. Her parents mad at her. Yep, my fault. We barely hung out anymore except for school and the occasional errands. A couple weeks later she was home alone for the weekend and invited her bf over but got caught and guess who had to step in and save her? Yes, me. I saved her and said that I had spent the night with her, my boyfriend was ***. Anyway, fast forward, year 11 and she moved to another town. She would barely text me and when I'd text, she'd be busy. I understood, new town, new school and all that. I went on a leadership retreat, and I was off the grid for 3 days, that is when she decided to be free. She kept texting me and I obviously I could not respond. When I got back, she accused me of giving all my time to the netball friend which was not true. And so ended the friendship. I was furious, because of the false accusations. I texted her from my cousin's number and told her that I was not ignoring her and that I was actually occupied. We didn't speak for months until I had constant nightmares about her, and I reached out to her. We started talking again but soon fell into the same issues again. I distanced myself and focused on my relationship that was at its breaking point too because of distance. My relationship was fixed and we're thriving. Fast forward, 2025, I have 0 close friends because I have extreme trust issues when it comes to friends as this is not the only friend that has done this to me. My question is, how do I make friends? Like genuine be there for you type of friends? Supportive, understanding friends? I can't think of a single friendship I made in school that is still going strong or even just existing as pals. They all failed. How do I make genuine friends? I really need a friend.

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