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How to make friends?

User Profile: P00K1E
P00K1E August 23rd, 2025
Hi all, I am Jas/Jaz (18, soon 19, F)

I struggle with making friends, and the ones I do make always end up misusing me or using my past against me. I've had a friend I made in year 9, we instantly became close, best friends. Then I started dating my current boyfriend. I was shy and I would ask her to tag along and she did (not 3rd wheeling, he was the one who would end up 3rd wheeling, that's how shy I was). She then started dating his friend and I found out because I was friends with the guy before she dated him. I didn't make a scene, I waited for her to tell me, and she only did after I caught them together at school. (I was running late and she thought I wasn't coming). I felt bad because we're supposed to be best friends. Anyway, my boyfriend and I shared our first kiss, and I practically ran home to tell her. She seemed excited but it died really fast. A month later I travelled to a neighbouring town for netball, and I met a girl there, she was sweet, and we also clicked but she already had a best friend and so did I. I came back, we all met up, bff and bf, and I was talking about my trip and as soon as I mentioned this girl, she flips out and ever since then I could not talk to anyone but her and my bf, not even friends before her. At first, I thought it was chill, but my boyfriend told me to end the friendship because I'd get hurt, I did not listen. Then I was at fault for everything. She had a fight with her guy? I was to blame. She cheated? I was to blame. Her parents mad at her. Yep, my fault. We barely hung out anymore except for school and the occasional errands. A couple weeks later she was home alone for the weekend and invited her bf over but got caught and guess who had to step in and save her? Yes, me. I saved her and said that I had spent the night with her, my boyfriend was ***. Anyway, fast forward, year 11 and she moved to another town. She would barely text me and when I'd text, she'd be busy. I understood, new town, new school and all that. I went on a leadership retreat, and I was off the grid for 3 days, that is when she decided to be free. She kept texting me and I obviously I could not respond. When I got back, she accused me of giving all my time to the netball friend which was not true. And so ended the friendship. I was furious, because of the false accusations. I texted her from my cousin's number and told her that I was not ignoring her and that I was actually occupied. We didn't speak for months until I had constant nightmares about her, and I reached out to her. We started talking again but soon fell into the same issues again. I distanced myself and focused on my relationship that was at its breaking point too because of distance. My relationship was fixed and we're thriving. Fast forward, 2025, I have 0 close friends because I have extreme trust issues when it comes to friends as this is not the only friend that has done this to me.

My question is, how do I make friends? Like genuine be there for you type of friends? Supportive, understanding friends? I can't think of a single friendship I made in school that is still going strong or even just existing as pals. They all failed. 

How do I make genuine friends? I really need a friend.

3
User Profile: RedWell
RedWell August 23rd, 2025

Pick out a few people Who seem like genuine people and you wish they were your friend. Try to get tuned into what They are proud of That nobody else ever recognizes, And then give them a short and sweet compliment. Do the same thing a second time A different day. Notice their normal emotional range. Everybody has bad days sometimes. On the day that you see them A little down or a little less talkative, Just asked them if they’re doing OK, Tell them if There is any way you could help them that you would. Do that for a few people and Keep trying. One of them will seem appreciative and then reciprocate. You have to show people how you want to be treated by treating them that way, Most people are not built like that and will not reciprocate, But some of them are and Wow! it is worth it. I’m praying for you that you will be bold and keep trying

1 reply
User Profile: P00K1E
P00K1E OP August 23rd, 2025

@RedWell

Hi RedWell, thank you for the guide. I have been trying and it works for a couple of months and then they just disappear. If I am being honest, I am looking for an online friend who I can chat with on WhatsApp or *** and you know just click with. In person friends are great too but they just do not work for me, I am still open to them and I know the right one will come. 
I will not be discouraged, I will keep seeking.

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