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Panicanddepressionandwhatekae
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2017 Member sinceApril 22, 2017
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I need help. I don't know what's wrong with me. I'm so scared
Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Panicanddepressionandwhatekae
Last post
 September 16th, 2017
...See more Here's my story. I'd like your opinions on if I could have bipolar? I've had panic attacks and anxiety for 3 years. Coming to uni made it worse. I don't know if this is just anxiety at his point. Since coming I've started having more attacks. In November I'd feel great in the day, would barely be sleeping and felt super energetic and like everything was amazing and always drawing, but at night it's like the energy would become too much. I'd feel super Angry, scared by my own distorted reflection, feel like I was dreaming and cry. It would last the whole night. This cycling happened for about a week. Skip to December and I became low and would sleep all day and missed a month of uni. I was too anxious about having a panic attack to go on buses And uni myself and had no motivation. In January I was diagnosed with extreme anxiety and given sertraline. When I first took it I'd randomly start giggling and generally felt weirdly good for a transient time. Then about 2 weeks into taking it, as I was starting to feel low again, I had a horrible episode, I was smacking my head off my desk, pulling my hair, trying to stifle my screams of anger, I felt suicidal in short and considered killing myself and started to take pills intending to overdose but stopped. About a week later, I felt incredibly good, barely eating, working out, socialising all the time and sleeping no more than 3 hours a night for 2 weeks. One night I felt like i was in space going through a black hole. It was surreal but I giggled at it. I crashed and slept for 3 days pretty much and fell into a depression again. I've missed all but three lectures in an entire semester as I struggled to get out of bed, felt teary every day and had sleep paralysis and nightmares. I started cutting and was really scared of going out by myself and sometimes felt everyone was staring at me in a mean way. I thought about dying and how I could do it every day for over a month. I slept all the time and overate. The last few weeks I've felt better but this increasingly high energy state has happened again. The not so good kind. At times I'd feel so high and happy and dance all the time and then I'd feel too much energy and feel self destructive. While I was in this state yesterday I cut myself and painted with my own blood. I knew it was strange but thought it was quite funny and beautiful. Now I am shocked. In the night I felt increasingly paranoid and scared and restless. So much so I again thought about ending it by slitting my throat. I even made a few cuts on my neck. I couldn't sleep and didn't want to but wanted it to be over. I am terrified by myself. I feel normal today just shocked at this other me.
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