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Peaces33ker
1,025 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts61 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2017 Member sinceOctober 10, 2016
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I don't know what I need..
General Support / by Peaces33ker
Last post
 October 11th, 2016
...See more For the past few months I have been battling my hardest battle yet with anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm. I am seeing a therapist, a psychiatrist and I am also in care of an IOP. The medications keep changing for various reasons. The last medication I was on almost made me feel worse. I ended up in the hospital because I didn't want to be here anymore. I would always say, "I would never do that to my wife." But in this state of mind I keep thinking, "she will be ok." I feel so stressed out about this new way of thinking. I keep having thoughts of self harm and sometimes I give into them. I'm scared to tell my treatment team because I don't want to be hospitalized again. I just can't seem to get out of this black hole. I feel like it has enveloped my entire life and I keep getting darker. When I feel like I might start to get better all I feel is numb. I'm tired of putting on a happier face for people around me. I'm tired of stopping myself from harming myself. I have no appetite for anything even though I know I'm hungry. When I finally do eat, the food just doesn't taste good to me. And then I feel sick and anxious. Sometimes the anxiety is so bad I end up throwing up anything I had eaten. I feel very weak and shaky.
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