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Pear777
72 M Embraced
PathStep 5 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2023 Member sinceJuly 18, 2023
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Feeling tired
General Support / by Pear777
Last post
 July 21st, 2023
...See more Hi this is my first post on 7cups, I appologize in advance if there are any mistakes in my post. English is not my first language but I tried to make everything understandable. I feel tired. Actually I have been feeling tired to live for years, but I don't have the courage to end everything. Also, I feel like there are a lot of people whose lives are worse than mine, so I shouln’t feel miserable. I had just finished my first year at university and was doing an unpaid internship in the holiday. I enjoyed the job, but my mother was not happy with it. She wanted me to find a paid job and apply for internships at more prestigious companies at the same time. She sent me messages every day urging me(even we’re now in different countries), sending information about various companies and asking me to tell her the whole application process. She used to want to know all my class schedules, my weekend schedule, and she would judge whether my actions were "useful" or "useless," and then ask me to do more "useful things." Being pushed makes me feel anxious, but my mom thinks I am feeling anxious just because I'm not trying hard enough and not busy enough. In fact, I don't think I'm any good at all, but I dare not tell my mother, because she will only think that I didn't work hard to improve myself before. I really love my mother, and I know I can have a life without worrying about money because of her, in fact, I don't want to let her down. She is a very powerful person, can do anything well, she spent a lot of time and money on me, but only got an unambitious, mediocre and incompetent daughter, I feel very sorry for her. But living up to her expectations really tired me, sometimes I feel like I'm empty, sometimes I want to sleep for a long time and never wake up. I sometimes cry for no reason and can’t help it. Am I a shameful person? Maybe, since right now I'm bothering strangers with all these bad things. Sorry if these makes you feel bad, forgive me but I just don’t have extra energy to say anything good to another person, sorry. Thank you for reading. Wish you have a good day and a good tomorrow.
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