Feeling tired
Hi this is my first post on 7cups, I appologize in advance if there are any mistakes in my post. English is not my first language but I tried to make everything understandable.
I feel tired. Actually I have been feeling tired to live for years, but I don't have the courage to end everything. Also, I feel like there are a lot of people whose lives are worse than mine, so I shouln’t feel miserable.
I had just finished my first year at university and was doing an unpaid internship in the holiday. I enjoyed the job, but my mother was not happy with it. She wanted me to find a paid job and apply for internships at more prestigious companies at the same time. She sent me messages every day urging me(even we’re now in different countries), sending information about various companies and asking me to tell her the whole application process. She used to want to know all my class schedules, my weekend schedule, and she would judge whether my actions were "useful" or "useless," and then ask me to do more "useful things." Being pushed makes me feel anxious, but my mom thinks I am feeling anxious just because I'm not trying hard enough and not busy enough.
In fact, I don't think I'm any good at all, but I dare not tell my mother, because she will only think that I didn't work hard to improve myself before.
I really love my mother, and I know I can have a life without worrying about money because of her, in fact, I don't want to let her down. She is a very powerful person, can do anything well, she spent a lot of time and money on me, but only got an unambitious, mediocre and incompetent daughter, I feel very sorry for her. But living up to her expectations really tired me, sometimes I feel like I'm empty, sometimes I want to sleep for a long time and never wake up. I sometimes cry for no reason and can’t help it. Am I a shameful person? Maybe, since right now I'm bothering strangers with all these bad things. Sorry if these makes you feel bad, forgive me but I just don’t have extra energy to say anything good to another person, sorry.
Thank you for reading. Wish you have a good day and a good tomorrow.
Sending hugs! ❤️
First of all, I want to tell you that just because you feel people are in a worse state than you doesn't mean your issues are less valid. If something hurts you then it hurts you. Your feelings matter and you're not bothering any of us. This is a safe space. 🌱
It's understandable that it can be painful for us when we're not understood by our parents and I appreciate that you care about her so much that you want to accomplish everything she wants you to. Expectations can create a lot of pressure on us at times. Just know that it's okay to take breaks and it's okay to not be exactly how others want you to be. ❤️
Also, your interests can be different from hers. I don't know how your mother responds to certain situations. So, I can't tell you if you can or can not communicate your feelings with her but sometimes it helps. But first, I want to tell you that you matter and your feelings are valid. Your small victories deserve to be celebrated. Don't treat yourself the way others treat you. You deserve kindness and love. 💛
Positive self-talk can help a lot with self-esteem.
What are the things that are good about yourself? Write them down, notice them - say them! Take note of some of the bad things you say about yourself. Often these thoughts are automatic so it's not easy - but it makes a huge difference. Try to focus on the things that you do enjoy. Find time for them; whether that's your hobbies/interests. They're not useless if they make you feel better. You can also try to surround yourself with people having similar interests. Find out what works the best for you but don't forget to take care of yourself. You are enough. 💚
You can talk to the listeners here, join member community group and forums according to your interests.
Sending love and healing! ❤️
Thank you sooo much for this warm, kind reply, I really appreciate it!! I'll try to do what you suggested and I hope they'll help. Actually just receiving this comment saved my day, so thank you very much again!❤️
Aww! Really sweet of you to say that. 🥰🩷
Trust me, you deserve all the kindness and care.
Hope you get out of this phase stronger and happier! 🩷☀️
Don't forget to take breaks.
Sending positive vibes your way! 🌱