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Phoebus
48 M Embraced
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2022 Member sinceOctober 6, 2022
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I think I'm trans but I'm terrified...
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by Phoebus
Last post
 October 26th, 2022
...See more Ive finally realized that all this time I've been getting euphoria from masculine things. Every night lately Ive been daydreaming of being a boy, and during the day as well. Ever since I was little I've had the signs of being trans but I didnt know and/or pushed it down until now. It started with online names that sounded masculine and male pfps and playing as male characters and etc and etc until eventually i realized all these things associated with male/masculine gave me euphoria and the gender I had to be everyday did not. I went through a major period of dysphoria and I just hated my chest. I pushed that away and ignored it but it's back. And I've started to question, was my depersonalization and depression linked to dysphoria and i didn't realize it? Is the fact that I always feel like I'm living the wrong life, I'm in the wrong body, because of dysphoria? Are the things I've been so desperately trying to piece together (because I've always felt like some part of me needs to come out, or is unfulfilled) my trans identity? I follow alot of trans men on social medias. And I said its because I think theyre cool, or I think they have a nice personality or a handsome face but...I think its truly because I envy them, and I hope that I could transition like them. What do I do? I feel like a disappointment, as I'm also aroace. I want to go by he/him or he/they and I want to transition but Im scared people will leave me, not support me and that maybe it might be the wrong decsion. I've only told few people I'm aroace, and some people didnt fully believe me or understand. By now, I've thought so much I just know I'm trans. The question is, what now? Im terrified to do anything else and im tempted to just continue pushing it down to try to live a normal cis life. But little cis people has spent hours researching their gender, had dreams about being the opposite gender and enjoyed it, fantasized about it, tried to dress/act like the opposite gender etc. Advice? Please? And how to deal with dysphoria?
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