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Planthuman
318 M Embraced 2
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts30 Forum posts7 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2022 Member sinceSeptember 13, 2022
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Drowning
Depression Support / by Planthuman
Last post
 November 22nd, 2022
...See more I am feeling nothing. For the past 6 months I have been moving from country to country because of war. I am now in Canada, a whole new continent. I have been struggling even before that but now I feel like everything is getting worse. I don’t do anything, just lay in bed and sleep or watch videos that I’m not even interested in. I am in high school, online school. I do my tests every week but I get an average grade, a B or a C. All because I can’t study, I don’t even try to. Everyday I tell myself how lazy I am. How my parents doing all of this just for a better future for me are gonna be disappointed. I’m afraid of death but at the same time I wouldn’t fight to live if someone tried to kill me. I am afraid because I will have to graduate soon and I don’t even know who I want to be. I dropped everything. I feel like a useless bag of meat. (TW) I self harm once a month when I can’t take the feeling of panic and my heart beating to fast at night. I do it near my stomach so that no one could see it. I know that I should just do small steps and try to do homework or anything. But I just can’t, I don’t understand topics that we are studying, don’t know anything. No one can help me because “it’s my problem I didn’t do anything” and that’s right. I feel stupid because I know people have bigger problems. I know that these thoughts are probably hormones or something. That I shouldn’t complain. I have great parents, friends (who were irl but now are online because I moved). Even as I write this I feel sick that I’m actually complaining about my life. I wish my parents had a better child. I wish I wasn’t born. I have no one to tell this about and even if I had I would never tell someone about this. Even my ex-therapist agreed this is all in my head and kids these days are like this. I’m just waiting for when my “struggles” will overcome my fear of death and I could finally stop worrying, thinking and living.
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