Polly1994 Member Profile

...See more why am i doing this to myself? To him? I treat my boyfriend so so poorly. I still can't seem to figure out if I truly love my boyfriend or not. I'm so tired, so weak, to tired of trying to be happy. I get so easily offended by anything he says, I can't stand him pointing out my flaws, eventhough he always tries to say them in a way that he wants to help me, to be sweet and sometimes he just jokes a bit. He keeps telling me he loves me with them but i can't stand him seeing them. I'm so dramatic... I go from lovey dovey feelings to 'maybe i don't even like him anymore'... I don't want to leave him. It wouldn't make me feel any better. It's a problem I have but i'm having so so much trouble to find that loving place in my heart for him. I keep feeling fear and anger towards him for nothing... I just want to be accepted completely but i can't seem to accept him being different from me. What is wrong with me... he keeps trying and i keep relapsing. I had the most wonderful holidays with him, feeling truly in love. But now.. I feel fear and anxious... I don't want to feel like this anymore... It feels like i've lost all love for him and I hate it. I want to love him so badly... but i'm dissapointed that some expectations aren't fulfilled... Like him not really trying to get to know me anymore (but that's probably because i talk about myself 24/7 to him) he doesn't need to ask. I tell him everything anyway. And i try to analyze him. I just don't know what's wrong with me. My image of him is so distorted :s I don't see him for who he is anymore and I hate myself for it... My therapist says i have a longing to be completely accepted in every way and that him highly sensitive (this together with adhd and intrusive thoughts...) I'm not the person i wanted to be... Is it the relationship? or my self-esteem? or just me being weak and pathetic? Why am i not strong enough to fight this, why do i have such a need for drama... I hate it when he tells me i'm dramatic (but that's only when i talk about how i feel about the relationship) He loves me... but i don't feel loved, I don't feel wanted, I feel like a burden... although he's always superpositive and happy to see me and never even mentioned it... What should I do? I'm so tired... I can't reach my loving feelings for him anymore and it scareds me

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