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PunkyBee
104 M Embraced 1
PathStep 6 Compassion hearts9 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2022 Member sinceDecember 2, 2021
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Too old to start over AGAIN
Personality Disorders Support / by PunkyBee
Last post
 April 22nd, 2022
...See more Hello All. Thanks in advance for reading/responding. I'm 51 years old and have been trying to overcome BPD since diagnosed at 28. However this last year has been the hardest since most of my "irrational" fears have come true. I lost my job of 12+ years (company closed suddenly with NO notice), lost my apartment, lost my car, and my marriage is about over. I had to take a job making half of what I used to in order to keep from becoming homeless. We now live in a dump of a hotel that costs more than $2500 each month. This makes it impossible to save up to get another apartment. Not to mention that my credit is now in the toilet. I am no longer living...I am surviving. My husband knows about my BPD and all the chaos. I have kept us going for almost 20 years, most of which he barely worked. However, now I find out he has a porn addiction. He knows I know and I have not asked him to stop, but instead to please not choose that over me. Yes, he actively ignores my advances or turns me down for sex. Before you assume...I am not unattractive. In fact I have several men trying to get with me. However, this is the first time I've ever been faithful to anyone. It hurts so much that I want to leave, but have no courage. I am all alone in this world. I used to be confident, strong, and resilient, but now I can't imagine starting over again. I would end it if I wasn't such a wimp. Because of our financial situation, I can't afford therapy. Please give some advice...
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