QuietAffections Member Profile

...See more hello all, im a little bit new here so im sorry if i make a mistake. i hope this is the right place to put this! recently ive been having a lot of trouble understanding myself and who i am. this has led me to really try hard to become better in whatever way i can. one of the things that has come up is what i myself feel has been sexual abuse/trauma, but im not sure if it can really be considered so? when i was a preteen i frequented this chatting app that led me to chat with someone 19 years old, i was groomed by him and "dated" him for a few months before i realized it was wrong and it made me uncomfortable. he made me roleplay sexual things with him and would force me to do many other things as well and threaten me with self-harm of suicide if i didnt do them ("if you don't do this i'll stab myself and send you a picture"). i blocked him and have never spoken to him since (it has been years). despite what he did i remember liking the attention, i guess it made me feel like i was more mature? as a result i sought out older dudes on other apps and a few months later after the first creep i eventually found one, with whom i had an extremely sexual online "relationship" with. i traded nude photos and other sick things and i wish i remembered his name so i could report him or just ANYTHING. this has significantly impacted me and maybe im oversharing but i just feel like i shouldnt be as affected by this because it was never physical, but i dont know. im really conflicted.

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